The Diner

409 South 12th Street 

402.341.9870

Open daily 6:30am to 2:30pm, Sundays at 7:30am

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Inspired to point out the duct tape that is apparently holding the clock together at the corners. That is all. 

Some of you may already know I came of age in the deep, sticky comfort of a diner booth back East. Old enough to pretend to like chain smoking but too young to know people to buy us beer, we toiled our late nights away over plates full of bacon and scrambled eggs, all while expertly keeping the proper milk and sugar ratio between refills poured warily by a uniformed waitress too tired to care she wasn't going to get a great tip from us young idiots. 

I don't know why it took me so long to dine at the silver-paneled New Jersey knockoff with the shockingly creative name in the Old Market, but after hearing stories of its state while under former management, I'm glad I waited. The Diner changed hands about a year ago, and it seems what we have now is a perfectly respectable place to eat a boastfully unhealthy meal any day of the week. 

The arrival of the food took what seemed like an eternity in my shaky, morning-after mind, but it gave me a chance to chug two cups of decent black coffee with at least half the fervor I'd have if it were Hopluia. At least, it wasn't strikingly bland, weak, or overly acidic, like the brew served in similar establishments. 

Chicken Fried Steak,
complete with traditional deep fryer basket indentations in the breading,
and a peppery, delightfully fatty gravy.

My dining buddy donated a quarter of his chicken fried steak, and I'm glad, because the evident saltiness of the breading paired with the goopiest of white gravies turned out to be my favorite item on the table. In fact, it may be the most suitable breakfast in the area for those of you who opted for a liquid-only dinner the night before. The hashbrowns were served impressively, well, browned, a feat any short-order cook can tell you is tricky to do quickly, though often requested. I was also a fan of the hands-off yet effective service: servers came by unobtrusively to refill coffee and clear plates without interrupting our nonsensical conversations.

"Heartland" Omelette:
Chopped bacon, onions, green peppers, and tomatoes
barely sauteed and wrapped into a thin layer of cooked egg.
While the flavor was proper, the execution was bothersome,
and demanded we devote the next ten minutes of conversation
to an impromptu session on the finer points of omelette making. 

So the eggs came over easy when they should have been over medium. So they took that dreaded shortcut with the omelette and stuffed a pile of limp veggies into a thin layer of cooked egg before wrapping it up like some sort of strange burrito-like thing, instead of just cooking the fillings right into the egg. So my stomach is still churning from this meal eaten a distressing ten hours ago. It's much more likely that has to do with last night's escapades than this morning's grease content. Like I always say, don't expect too much and you won't be disappointed -- words to live by. 

Recently Drank That Wasn't Beer

Dill Collins, The Berry & Rye
Notice the ice cubes that are actually "cubes,"
and not "weird hollow ice cylinders from an industrial machine" or "ice chips."

...

House Margarita, The Trap Room

In this very recently opened and seemingly CWS-proof safe haven, you can gulp on Margaritas from a large tumbler glass, served from the tap. Rumor has it they use rul good ingredients in the mix (fresh lime juice), evidenced by the lip-pursing tartness and need for nothing more than a sliver of a fruit garnish. I can only imagine the baseball fans are perplexed by this highly stylized interior -- no, I didn't just imply sports fans are simple... did I? -- which is why this might be the only place in a mile radius of the stadium not six bodies deep right now. The vibe evokes Stephen Starr, which makes me all like, want to champion it and stuff. Check it out.

...

Lily's Dinner Party, The Berry & Rye

Read about it here, sucka.

...

Irish Coffee, O'leaver's Pub

File this one under "Don't remember -- found in phone so it must have happened."

Coming soon: Recently Eaten That Wasn't Fast Food 

Tasty Pastry

5423 Leavenworth Street
402.933.9392
Open Mon thru Sat 10am-2pm
http://tastypastryomaha.com

Tasty pastries, indeed

How I long for more places like the recently opened Tasty Pastry in Omaha. With my general aversion to cooking and disgust with brown-bagging it on a workday, I avoid starvation during daytime hours by frequenting places like this. There is nothing quite like gazing out the window, steaming bowl of scrumptious split pea soup in front of you, occasionally losing yourself in your Twitter feed while absentmindedly fashioning a spoon out of your hunk of bread. Three martini lunches are great, too, but I like my soup.

Spicy corn chowder with chicken ($5/bowl)

While not a full-service rest-runt, new sandwiches appear intermittently on the menu as they ease into their space. (Up until last year this was Come on into my Kitchen.) The chicken sandwich is fit for the finest: Lightly breaded chicken with the tang of garlic aioli, pickles, jalapeño, and crunchy slaw on an above-average ciabatta (?) bun.

Proprietor, chef, and baker Mary Dailey has a true knack for executing recipes that are not overly sweet, more reminiscent of Euro-style tortes and pastries than what the average 'Merkan thinks of cake. She's also more than happy to slice up a sample of anything you'd like. Try some chocolate ganache if you're in the market for a new addiction.

The only way you won't love Tasty Pastry is if you have a phobia of the 50+ female demographic, since they're strongly represented in the crowd there.

On a very unrelated note, I kind of wish the name didn't make me think of pasties — every time — but what can you do.

Chicken sandwich ($6)

Carrot cake

Behind the counter

Chowda

The Reader: Baxter's

So, this week's Dish section in The Reader boasts a brilliantly written review of Baxter's in Benson. Pick up a copy, woudja?

Another option would be to read the Omaha World Herald review of the same place. The major difference between the two articles is that this one was not written by me.

If only we were always this excited about pizza here in Omaha!

Margherita slice from Baxter's

Bob's Grill & Cafe

317 South 17th Street
402.922.2430
Open M-F 7am-2:30pm
bobsgrillandcafe.com 

Omaha Beef ($5.39):
Sliced roast beef, cheddar, grilled onion, and steak sauce, which tasted suspiciously of barbecue.

Urban Omaha

While gnawing on the Omaha Beef sandwich at Bob's Grill & Cafe, comparisons to Arby's will be unavoidable. You might imagine the phrase "glorified Arby's." You can hardly wait to share this meaningful opinion with your dining partner, so much that you nearly choke on a slice of roast beef. Easy there, boy. Take a sip of iced tea from the styrofoam cup. Your dining partner will point out that Arby's is also pretty glorious. You'll agree, and continue munching thoughtfully, making the promise to yourself to stop trying to cover up your decades-long endearing relationship with fast food.

Indeed, the hastily piled slices of roast beef and the globular spots of half-melted cheddar will remind you of the Arby's classic. The onion bun seals the deal. If you're one of the lucky ones who spend your days in one of downtown Omaha's high-profile offices, it's unlikely you'll send your secretary all the way to Arby's anyway. Go instead to Bob's. If a salad is what you crave, they've got that covered. I enjoyed patting myself on the back so much for ordering a salad, that I figured I might as well reward myself by topping it with a couple of Buffalo chicken fingers. Aaaand, they've even got creepy artwork (see below). I tried to be a good fake journalist and call the restaurant to get the artist's name, but I couldn't reach Mr. Bob for comment.

The Bob's crew is fast, which could be a bad thing if standing in line is your only relief from the stiffness of your cubicle chair. And if you don't work in the area, this is still a great place to spend a leisurely lunch hour gawking at weirdos people watching through the ample front windows.

Am I supposed to know this iconic old man in a tutu? 

Buffalo Chicken Salad with Ranch ($5.79):
The lighter choice.
It was freshly made as opposed to pulled out of a fridge,
but I'm still losing sleep at night over the waste of a giant plastic to go container. 

Chicken Tortilla soup neither chicken-y nor tortilla-y.
Oh well. 

The pastry case!

The French Bulldog

5003 Underwood Avenue

402.505.4633

Mon thru Thurs 11a.m. - 11p.m., Fri and Sat 11a.m. - midnight

frenchbulldogomaha.com

Hey! I'm cool! I've eaten here, too!

Charcuterie plate

There's an article in which I ask Bryce from the Bulldog how to make bacon HERE.

Shuck's Fish House and Oyster Bar

1911 Leavenworth Street
402.614.5544
Plus two other locations:
16901 Wright Plaza (Shops of Legacy)
1218 S. 119th Street (just south of Pacific St.)
Downtown location offers limited Bailey's brunch menu Sat and Sun 9-2
Open 7 days
http://absolutelyfresh.com

Crab Cake Sandwich ($10.99)

I'm bored. Bored of beef and beer. Does that mean I'm bored of life?

Instead of feeling down on myself, I went to Shuck's, the restaurant attached to the local respected seafood supplier Absolutely Fresh. The place has a decent happy hour, and on this particular afternoon a couple of older dudes were parked at the bar, wanly sipping on their Bud heavies. Maybe the atmosphere gets livelier as the night goes on. We had the pleasure of having the whole back dining room to ourselves, a stark contrast to the restaurant's always-packed predecessor before it moved to Council Bluffs, Dixie Quicks.

Shrimp Po' Boy ($10.99)

I'm enamored with the idea of a casual seafood place in Omaha. Here you can get your fish & chips, your crab cake sandwich, your shrimp po' boy, all guaranteed "absolutely fresh," and all priced agreeably. You can roll up your sleeves and get down on some oysters, dirtying up the butcher paper that covers each table. It's the kind of place that's a dime-a-dozen on the coasts, but a real treat for us in this landlocked neck of the woods. A lot of the dishes I've sampled have tasted fantastic, but some present some culinary question marks. The crab cake, for example, made one heck of a photogenic sandwich, but was missing something. More seasonings, perhaps? It doesn't really matter. Shucks isn't supposed to be perfect. It's a laid back seafood joint with a "Dirty South" theme, and on these boring, bleak, beef-less days, it gives me a reason to live.

Fried Calamari, and a view of the bar ($4 at happy hour).
This yummy snack is "breaded" with cornmeal and GLUTEN FREE.

Cup o' Louisiana Gumbo ($3.99)

Note: On weekend mornings, Shuck's Downtown offers some competition to the abhorred and adored 11-Worth Cafe a few blocks away by offering a limited brunch menu from their sister restaurant, Bailey's.