Iowa State Fair 2012

August 9th - 19th, 7a.m. - 1a.m.
Iowa State Fairgrounds, Des Moines
iowastatefair.org

Cindy's Place, one of the many food stands,
offers "complete meals" of french fries and nachos to famished fair goers. 

Talk about a sensory overload. There's nothing quite like chowing on a lamb kebob while walking through a sheep barn, tasting the gamey deliciousness while smelling the poo and watching the wool being shorn.

Unlike a lot of outdoor summer events, the food here isn't just an afterthought meant to feed the crowds, should they rustle up a hunger while watching some crappy band or some fat dude swing a bat. The food at the Iowa State Fair is the main attraction. Granted, if I was the proud owner of the biggest boar in the state, I might beg to differ. But strolling past the stalls of mostly sedated livestock, all this city slicker could think was, "Where's the deep-fried butter?"

In the end, we went with this hunk of fried mac & cheese in lieu of the butter stick.
A bunch of pussies, the lot of us, I know.
Breading could have used a little more, err, seasoning.

Here you have the highlight, German Chocolate Funnel Cake,
complete with coconut cream goo, crushed pecans, and deep-fried chocolate batter.
Warm and fuzzy feeling that followed was undoubtedly the sensation of insulin production. 

This cheesesteak, ahem, Philly, was legit:
Fashioned from the mound of sizzling, chopped meat on the flat top grill,
topped with greasy onions and peppers and coated in a generous layer of Cheez-wiz. Real deal. 

Lamb brat, lamb breakfast sausage on a stick, and lamb kebob,
for sale right outside of the sheep barn.

Shorn sheep are very fashionable.

Strange, I don't remember seeing anything with horse meat on a stick?

It was only a matter of time before we hit the Iowa Craft Beer Tent.
Here's a delicious Slingshot Dunkel from Coralville's Backpocket Brewing Company. 

Beef and bean taco in a homemade crunchy corn tortilla,
just like someone's grandma used to make. 

If you've never had this, you probably don't have to.

Apple cider donettes, hot off the doughnut press.

I don't really like apples, but this one was damn good.

Doesn't look like much, but this if you examine closely you'll see Iowa's Blue Ribbon corn,
guarded by several rows of barricades. 

The Butter Cow:
A cow sculpted out of butter.
Making mouths water since 1911.

A cornbrat -- It was at this point my burps started smelling really weird.

Dude, stop hitting on the Pork Queen and get back to grilling your loins.
Her majesty is totally out of your league.

This life-sized, 850-pounder gives a whole new meaning to the term "Chocolate Moose."

"Iowa's Best Pizza" contenders rolling into the judging site. Umm. Yeah.

We came armed with plastic forks in our back pockets, a humble brigade of curious calorie hoarders. At first I thought we left victorious, but on the way home, I got methane poisoning from all the cow farts. Or maybe it was Veep candidate Paul Ryan's stupid checkered shirt and retarded remarks that nauseated me. It definitely had nothing to do with the amalgam of foodstuffs in my tummy.

If you can, do as 100,000 others do (daily) and hit up the Fair before it closes up this Sunday the 19th. As they say, it's "fairlicious."

But of course.

Ethiopian Restaurant

2555 Leavenworth Street
402.345.0265
Open daily for lunch and dinner

#12. Mahibrawi ($12): A little bit of everything

Strong, bitter, delicious coffee. Ethiopian Idol on TV. Large communal tables for families to sit and share with one another. And food with spices you're probably not used to.

If bland-tasting food is your thing -- and I know it is for many of us -- Ethiopian cuisine probably isn't for you. The overflowing bowl of chicken stew was reminiscent of Spanish adobo sauce, but there was something rather pungent in the spice mixture (berbere) that just didn't jive with my taste buds. After the meal I scoured the small grocery attached to the restaurant, trying to find the offending spice. Whether it was the fenugreek, rue, or possibly the korarima, I will never know. Recommending it would be like sticking something in your face and saying, "This smells really bad. Smell it."

#7: Doro wet ($7.49):
Traditional chicken stew topped with chicken leg and boiled egg.
In Ethiopian culture they must not have that "which came first" joke.

The Mahibrawi was the ultimate combo, served atop a large piece of the bread known as injera, which felt a lot like a cold, rubbery sex toy of some sort but tasted more like a sourdough pancake. Little piles of lentils, split peas, collard greens, and potatoes encircled a lamb shank that I will describe as "rustic." My favorite part was the ground fava beans, but that's 'cause I'm a yuppie hummus lover.

If you want to feel like a real Ethiopian, eat only with your right hand, and if you like forks and knives and no sharing, then you're S.O.L. Go earlier in the day before they start to run out of stuff, and only if you're in the mood for something new.

Ethiopian Coffee ($1.50)

Wraps & Crepes

617A North 114th Street (Namaste plaza)
Omaha, NE 68154
402.505.4488
Open daily for lunch and dinner, closed in between meals, closed Sundays

#13 Chicken Dosa, side of Sambar and cilantro chutney ($8.99)

If you ask me, "wraps" might be the most overrated food to come out of the '90s, and their unwavering popularity generally bugs me. This generic restaurant name might at first lead you to believe they're serving up California-turkey-in-a-spinach-wrap-with-a-side-of-ranch-dressing-and-Sun-Chips. As it turns out, the proprietors of this tasty southern Indian fast casual concept were just really lazy coming up with their name. The tunes weren't strategically chosen, either: There was a very short loop of '80s hits on piano from the bottom of the Walmart bin, and that was it.

"Duh duh duh duh, duh duh duh," went the stereo. I couldn't quite place the song but I think it might be on TLC's A Baby Story.

Yes, the space feels a lot like Q'doba and Co., but at least it's clean and organized, if that's what you're into. Many of us will experience dosas -- a type of crispy crepe made with rice flour -- and uttapas -- the thicker pancake version -- for the first time here. They were out of mango chutney, but the cilantro chutney was a burst of flavor that tasted good poured on everything. The chicken in my dosa was served in large, juicy cubes, red with seasonings and smeared with creamy goat cheese. Spinach and roasted tomatoes rounded out the colossal monster of a crepe, which had more of a cracker-y texture due to the rice flour.

In the wrap, the tender lamb pieces blended well with the stewed green peppers and onions. The wrap itself was somewhat like a stretchy, high-quality tortilla. Still, I favor the more adventurous dishes and would probably ditch the wrap next time.

#1 Wrap with lamb ($7.99)

"Duh duh duh duh, duh duh duh." The same song was playing a fifth time. The neon green walls with informational placards about garlic were closing in. The rest of the lamb wrap was a soupy mess, and I had stringy okra from the Sambar (in this case a take on lentil soup) stuck in my teeth. I will go back to Wraps & Crepes if I'm in the area, especially to try the mango lassi drink and samosas appetizer. But I might opt to take it to go, since in my experience the atmosphere didn't have much to offer. In fact, it made me a little crazy.

Staring down the barrel of a dosa.

Dosa Unwrapped:
chicken, spinach, goat cheese.

Should you want to learn about garlic and other health foods on your lunch break,
this is the place.