Someone Spilled Beer on the Computer, and Zombie Burger Des Moines

It wasn't me. I don't even like beer. At any rate, that's the explanation for the lack of blogging going on lately.

In the meantime, here's a photo of some gnarly food (gnarly in a bad way) I ate at the Des Moines East Village hotspot Zombie Burger that was every bit as gross as it was gimmicky. Something as bad for you as a "Mac Dog" should taste good. I was overcome with disappointment when I found that I could do better at home with a box of Kraft and a package of Nathan's. I was served cold, bland macaroni and cheese, deep-fried bacon bits with and an off-putting fake taste, and a dog that seemed high-school cafeteria boiled. You might be attracted to the B-side gaudiness and glitz, but you should still pass over this place next time you're in the metropolis that is Dez Moynez.

Mac Dog ($5.49) and the highlight of the fat fest, a side of fries ($1.79)

Iowa State Fair 2012

August 9th - 19th, 7a.m. - 1a.m.
Iowa State Fairgrounds, Des Moines
iowastatefair.org

Cindy's Place, one of the many food stands,
offers "complete meals" of french fries and nachos to famished fair goers. 

Talk about a sensory overload. There's nothing quite like chowing on a lamb kebob while walking through a sheep barn, tasting the gamey deliciousness while smelling the poo and watching the wool being shorn.

Unlike a lot of outdoor summer events, the food here isn't just an afterthought meant to feed the crowds, should they rustle up a hunger while watching some crappy band or some fat dude swing a bat. The food at the Iowa State Fair is the main attraction. Granted, if I was the proud owner of the biggest boar in the state, I might beg to differ. But strolling past the stalls of mostly sedated livestock, all this city slicker could think was, "Where's the deep-fried butter?"

In the end, we went with this hunk of fried mac & cheese in lieu of the butter stick.
A bunch of pussies, the lot of us, I know.
Breading could have used a little more, err, seasoning.

Here you have the highlight, German Chocolate Funnel Cake,
complete with coconut cream goo, crushed pecans, and deep-fried chocolate batter.
Warm and fuzzy feeling that followed was undoubtedly the sensation of insulin production. 

This cheesesteak, ahem, Philly, was legit:
Fashioned from the mound of sizzling, chopped meat on the flat top grill,
topped with greasy onions and peppers and coated in a generous layer of Cheez-wiz. Real deal. 

Lamb brat, lamb breakfast sausage on a stick, and lamb kebob,
for sale right outside of the sheep barn.

Shorn sheep are very fashionable.

Strange, I don't remember seeing anything with horse meat on a stick?

It was only a matter of time before we hit the Iowa Craft Beer Tent.
Here's a delicious Slingshot Dunkel from Coralville's Backpocket Brewing Company. 

Beef and bean taco in a homemade crunchy corn tortilla,
just like someone's grandma used to make. 

If you've never had this, you probably don't have to.

Apple cider donettes, hot off the doughnut press.

I don't really like apples, but this one was damn good.

Doesn't look like much, but this if you examine closely you'll see Iowa's Blue Ribbon corn,
guarded by several rows of barricades. 

The Butter Cow:
A cow sculpted out of butter.
Making mouths water since 1911.

A cornbrat -- It was at this point my burps started smelling really weird.

Dude, stop hitting on the Pork Queen and get back to grilling your loins.
Her majesty is totally out of your league.

This life-sized, 850-pounder gives a whole new meaning to the term "Chocolate Moose."

"Iowa's Best Pizza" contenders rolling into the judging site. Umm. Yeah.

We came armed with plastic forks in our back pockets, a humble brigade of curious calorie hoarders. At first I thought we left victorious, but on the way home, I got methane poisoning from all the cow farts. Or maybe it was Veep candidate Paul Ryan's stupid checkered shirt and retarded remarks that nauseated me. It definitely had nothing to do with the amalgam of foodstuffs in my tummy.

If you can, do as 100,000 others do (daily) and hit up the Fair before it closes up this Sunday the 19th. As they say, it's "fairlicious."

But of course.

Big Mama's Kitchen

3223 North 45th Street (just north of Maple)
Turning Point Campus, Building A (look for the restaurant signs)
Omaha, NE 68104
(402) 455-MAMA
Open for breakfast and lunch, plus Friday and Saturday dinner, closed Mondays
www.bigmamaskitchen.com

Woo boy. Big Mama's Kitchen not only feels like a school cafeteria, it is actually an old school cafeteria. ("If my school served this food for lunch I might have gone to class more...") Odd location aside, this place is pretty good. I'm not really a soul food connoisseur, but here we have an Omaha institution. We opted for a medley of appetizers: fried okra, macaroni and cheese, beans and cornbread, and featherbones. The okra was crunchy outside, gooey and green on the inside. The beans were excellent, but the cornbread was disappointing and dry. Bummer. Mac and cheese was very creamy and not the baked kind we were hoping for. It might have been Velveeta I was tasting. The featherbones, though, were awesome. I had never had this dish before and it was kinda fun peeling the meat off the little sheets of bone. The sauce--a delicious spicy BBQ--was served on the side, making the meat a lot easier and neater to eat than your average rib-like food. Looking forward to going back for breakfast sometime; the plastic leopard print tablecloths are a joy to eat off of. Try a cranberry sun tea if they've got it.

Featherbones

Beans and Cornbread

Macaroni and Cheese, Fried Okra

Cranberry Sun Tea