Crystal Jade

7255 Cedar Street (north of Center on 72nd)
402.398.1688
Open for lunch and dinner daily
jadedinners.com

Spicy Pork Bulgogi ($7.95 lunch)

Take some decent but uniform "Pan Asian," add one part creepy vibe of former Village Inn, mixed with a dash of good old family-owned feeling, and a heavy dose of quirk (extensive girly fauxtini menu and a free beer for liking them on Facebook), and voila, you've got Crystal Jade.

Uncle Steve and Aunt Shirley are the peeps who run the place, and a quick scan of their booze menu would lead you to believe they're into having a good time: Everyday is "Happy Day" with $5 sake bombs, for example. Getting drunk would be trippy here, though; lunch was populated by large business groups and kids with Grandpa, all chowing down in a snazzed up former diner chain. The metal-backed chairs were cool, though.

Chicken Hot Garlic Sauce ($6.75 lunch)

As for the food, well, it was just as monochromatic as it looked in those Aksarben Cinema advertisements you may have seen before your movie. The Spicy Pork Bulgogi and the Chicken with Hot Garlic Sauce looked disturbingly similar, almost like they were cut from the same steam table pan. Major gripes include the absence of the advertised snow peas in the bulgogi, the utter lack of spiciness on menu items marked with the little red pepper (maybe they crank it up at dinner?), and the fried rice that tasted like white rice coated with some soy sauce. The good news was that I was hungry a few hours later, not because of MSG, but rather because everything tasted fresh and healthy. The veggies were crunchy, and nothing -- not even the hot and sour soup -- was too salty.

Sometimes I wonder if I just didn't order the "right thing." Props for the gluten-free and vegan dishes, but this wheat-eating omnivore is still on the search for great (Americanized) Chinese.

Egg Drop Soup

Hot & Sour Soup

Underwhelming Fried Rice

Blue Planet Natural Grill

6307 Center Street, Suite 101 (next to Jimi D's)
Omaha, NE 68106
(402) 218-4555
Open daily 10:30am to 9pm
www.blueplanetnaturalgrill.com

Caribbean Jerk Pizza--
With vegan cheese, sans chicken

I'm an asshole. At heart, I'm a damn Yankee who doesn't like to meddle with superfluous friendly conversation with strangers. When the counter girl squealed to us that she just can't stop eating Sun Chips that day, I had to look the other way. And I conveniently forgot where I bought my shirt when she asked (I think it was from Target anyway). This girl had a few too many wheatgrass shots. Paltry complaints about the cheery counter staff aside, the food earned a solid "pretty good" in my book. My Honan Salmon sandwich was grilled well done, which isn't really what I fancy, but I can let that slide. The pizza isn't really pizza by any traditional definition, but a tasty assemblage of toppings and kinda spicy tomato sauce on sturdy wheat bread. It only took five minutes to come out, so we can assume they are made much like a college student might make a bagel pizza. Fine by me. There was some confusion, though, when my dining buddy requested vegan cheese only because she is allergic to regular cheese, and the pizza came without chicken. Interestingly, the bacon was still present... Bacontarian, anyone? Point is, this isn't gourmet shit. It's a good place to go after a workout, or sit with your laptop. A must try for anyone who made that "eat better" resolution this year, and a godsend for vegans in this carnivorous town --  not too shabby for celiacs either. They have a serious selection of organic ketchups, too, so next time you've got a hankering for fries this is your place.

Honan Salmon:
"Sweet chili glazed salmon filet, cucumber, cilantro, organic spring mix lettuce,
tomato, onion and carrot relish on whole wheat bun."
Add sweet potato fries for $.99, and dip them in a side of chipotle mayo. Do it. 

My soup, sandwich, iced tea, and tip jar offering ran me a full twenty. 'Twas worth it. The chocolate macaroon I grabbed on the way out provided an excellent unbalanced breakfast the next morning, still chewy and moist. Blue Planet, I will see you again. Just stop being so damn chipper.

Corn Chowder--
Lots of fresh scallions on top.
Average Keebler crackers with long ingredients list. Whoops.