Crystal Jade

7255 Cedar Street (north of Center on 72nd)
402.398.1688
Open for lunch and dinner daily
jadedinners.com

Spicy Pork Bulgogi ($7.95 lunch)

Take some decent but uniform "Pan Asian," add one part creepy vibe of former Village Inn, mixed with a dash of good old family-owned feeling, and a heavy dose of quirk (extensive girly fauxtini menu and a free beer for liking them on Facebook), and voila, you've got Crystal Jade.

Uncle Steve and Aunt Shirley are the peeps who run the place, and a quick scan of their booze menu would lead you to believe they're into having a good time: Everyday is "Happy Day" with $5 sake bombs, for example. Getting drunk would be trippy here, though; lunch was populated by large business groups and kids with Grandpa, all chowing down in a snazzed up former diner chain. The metal-backed chairs were cool, though.

Chicken Hot Garlic Sauce ($6.75 lunch)

As for the food, well, it was just as monochromatic as it looked in those Aksarben Cinema advertisements you may have seen before your movie. The Spicy Pork Bulgogi and the Chicken with Hot Garlic Sauce looked disturbingly similar, almost like they were cut from the same steam table pan. Major gripes include the absence of the advertised snow peas in the bulgogi, the utter lack of spiciness on menu items marked with the little red pepper (maybe they crank it up at dinner?), and the fried rice that tasted like white rice coated with some soy sauce. The good news was that I was hungry a few hours later, not because of MSG, but rather because everything tasted fresh and healthy. The veggies were crunchy, and nothing -- not even the hot and sour soup -- was too salty.

Sometimes I wonder if I just didn't order the "right thing." Props for the gluten-free and vegan dishes, but this wheat-eating omnivore is still on the search for great (Americanized) Chinese.

Egg Drop Soup

Hot & Sour Soup

Underwhelming Fried Rice

Ahmad's Persian Cuisine

1009 Howard Street
Omaha, NE 68102
402.341.9616
Open Tues - Sunday, 11:30am - 2pm and 5:30pm - 10pm; closed Mon
ahmadscusine.com

Potato and Peas Poloe ($7.95 lunch/$14.95 dinner):
Poloe means "rice with stuff," from what I can gather. 

Don't freak out, people. The stretchy, soft flatbread served with the hummus here isn't pita. It's lavash, which is basically the national bread of Iran and the surrounding lands. You know, they sure do have some silly political leaders -- but boy, can they make some flatbread.

Mast-o-kyar ($5.95):
Yogurt and cucumber sauce with mint.
Use the lavash bread as a spoon. 

Lavash might remind you of tortilla. The mast-o-kyar -- which is Farsi for "yogurt and cucumber" -- might remind you of tzatziki sauce. And the dolmeh appetizer is probably a bit like other stuffed cabbage dishes you've had in the past. But everything had its own subtle twist, as if it is made according to one dude's recipe book that he keeps in his head.

Falafel Sandwich ($5.95 lunch):
Three falafel balls, each drizzled with tahini, eat it with your hands.
(That's a haiku.)

I thought it a bit odd that the open-faced falafel sandwich came with lettuce dressed in something similar to Thousand Island, and the discs of falafel were heavier than some, possibly due to the fava beans in the recipe. The potato and peas poloe only had two pieces of potato and looked a lot like the mixed vegetable poloe I had the week before. Still, all was yum. The spiciness came on in a strong, even wave, and I got the sense they go through a lot of lemons around these parts, judging from the bright citrus flavors in many of the dishes. Perfect for summer. 

This Old Market fixture has been here a while, truckin' along quietly on a busy corner, a few wooden tables on the patio usually staying occupied. The "WC" sign over the restroom and the size and ambiance remind me of any and every falafel joint in Berlin. At lunch, the waitress handles the whole restaurant like a superstar, and I imagine Ahmad in the kitchen, plating the food he loves to share, and maybe even painting those beautiful grill marks on the lavash, one by one. This place is off the chain. Kinda makes me feel like going on a trip to the Middle East. Oh wait, nevermind... 

Dolmeh ($6.95):
"Cabbage leaves stuffed with beef, vegetables, lentils
and topped with tomato based sauce, delicately seasoned." 

Mixed Vegetable Poloe ($7.95 lunch, $14.95 dinner),
in a lemon garlic sauce.

Marrakech Gourmet

504 North 33rd Street (Just south of Cali Taco)
Omaha, NE 68136
402.502.0739
Open daily 11am to 11pm, and they deliver up to four miles.
marrakechgourmetomaha.com 

Moroccan Mint Tea

To profess my love for Marrakech after just one visit feels a little premature. Like proposing after just one date. Or cumming after just one minute. I need to feel this place out a little more, sample more of their affordable small plates, another rice-y, spicy tagine, and heck, maybe even a Moroccan panini. I can firmly vouch for the fruit and custard tart, which acted as a cool and delicately sweet palate cleanser after the piquant main course. And the Zaalouk (stewed eggplant ragu and pita appetizer) was the most refreshing and flavorful presentation of eggplant I've had in a while. We can't forget the Lentil and Ginger Soup, a puree with texture and pleasant spices. In the Lamb Tagine, I appreciated that the "seasonal vegetables" were more than the routine red pepper and zucchini mix that usually turns up. Instead, it was a game of Name That Veggie, plus other stuff like dates and kumquats (I'm pretty sure). The New Zealand lamb (free range, natural) was falling off the bones. Plus it came in a cool clay pot.

Lamb Tagine--
Ask for a side of spicy sauce.

Amongst communal-style tables, and worn trinkets juxtaposed with the newness of the bar and floor tile, spices permeated the air, and they weren't afraid to crank up the Afrobeat. The twenty or so visits to our table by the chef and server were borderline overbearing, and even with all of their doting, the appetizers and entrees were basically served together, so their timing might suck a bit. I would recommend dusting off your finest bottle of Châteauneuf-du-Pape from your cellar (you have one, right?) and heading in soon, as this is normally a BYOB. Speaking of dates, if I could get one I would go here this week, since they're offering a special five-course meal for two and a couple glasses of bubbly for just $75 in honor of Saint Valentine. Shoot, I might just go by myself.

Zaalouk--
Eggplant ragu and pita

Lentil and Ginger Puree

Fruit Tart--
Maybe you'll be lucky and score a slice for free like we did.

Blue Planet Natural Grill

6307 Center Street, Suite 101 (next to Jimi D's)
Omaha, NE 68106
(402) 218-4555
Open daily 10:30am to 9pm
www.blueplanetnaturalgrill.com

Caribbean Jerk Pizza--
With vegan cheese, sans chicken

I'm an asshole. At heart, I'm a damn Yankee who doesn't like to meddle with superfluous friendly conversation with strangers. When the counter girl squealed to us that she just can't stop eating Sun Chips that day, I had to look the other way. And I conveniently forgot where I bought my shirt when she asked (I think it was from Target anyway). This girl had a few too many wheatgrass shots. Paltry complaints about the cheery counter staff aside, the food earned a solid "pretty good" in my book. My Honan Salmon sandwich was grilled well done, which isn't really what I fancy, but I can let that slide. The pizza isn't really pizza by any traditional definition, but a tasty assemblage of toppings and kinda spicy tomato sauce on sturdy wheat bread. It only took five minutes to come out, so we can assume they are made much like a college student might make a bagel pizza. Fine by me. There was some confusion, though, when my dining buddy requested vegan cheese only because she is allergic to regular cheese, and the pizza came without chicken. Interestingly, the bacon was still present... Bacontarian, anyone? Point is, this isn't gourmet shit. It's a good place to go after a workout, or sit with your laptop. A must try for anyone who made that "eat better" resolution this year, and a godsend for vegans in this carnivorous town --  not too shabby for celiacs either. They have a serious selection of organic ketchups, too, so next time you've got a hankering for fries this is your place.

Honan Salmon:
"Sweet chili glazed salmon filet, cucumber, cilantro, organic spring mix lettuce,
tomato, onion and carrot relish on whole wheat bun."
Add sweet potato fries for $.99, and dip them in a side of chipotle mayo. Do it. 

My soup, sandwich, iced tea, and tip jar offering ran me a full twenty. 'Twas worth it. The chocolate macaroon I grabbed on the way out provided an excellent unbalanced breakfast the next morning, still chewy and moist. Blue Planet, I will see you again. Just stop being so damn chipper.

Corn Chowder--
Lots of fresh scallions on top.
Average Keebler crackers with long ingredients list. Whoops.

M's Pub

422 South 11th Street
Omaha, NE 68102
(402) 342-2550
Open daily 11am to midnight, Sunday 5pm to 11pm
www.mspubomaha.com

Vegetarian Lahvosh:
"Hummus, spinach, artichoke hearts, tomato, red peppers,
Calamata olives and scallions, drizzled with a roasted red pepper-cracked mustard aioli."
At times a celebration of salt (the artichokes made my mouth pucker), but overall a great snack.

What can be said about the venerable M's Pub that hasn't been said a thousand times before. It's not a genius idea, really, it's more like common sense: Classy atmosphere, a menu with something for everyone, well-trained staff with attention to detail, a wine list that doesn't make you yawn, and hours that cater to midnight snackers. It's no wonder they're in a constant state of "busy." The fact is, I knew it would be good, so I waited an entire year of living in Omaha to check it out. When there's nothing to pick on, sometimes dining out isn't as arousing. To be clear, the food is no adventure in flavor. Pardon my cynicism, but with such an expansive menu, there's no way everything can be a total hit. But I feel comfortable in the hands of M's. When M's tells me that Caesar dressing is supposed to be super-anchovy-y, I trust them, and make sure I bring along my Altoids™. M's knows to serve their grilled juicy hot dog with all of the condiments in little ramekins on the side, because, HELLO, not everyone likes ketchup on their dog. M's also realizes that not everyone loves meat, as illustrated by their tempting selection of solid vegetarian options -- think "Carrot Dog" and "Black Bean Cakes."

If M's says it's ok for the hostess to wear jeans, then by golly, it is. Just because they're popular doesn't mean they're too good for jeans. In fact, M's is kind of the "jeans" of the Omaha restaurant scene; they both offer a comfort and familiarity, and can be at once fashionable and utilitarian. I think they should open an "M's West," along with "M's Midtown," and "M's on Maple" in Benson. Heck, put one on every corner. I want more places with upscale pub grub at a fair price, so I don't have to hurt my poor brain trying to think of a place I know I can rely on.

Classic Caesar Salad, small--
Bold anchovy flavor, freshly grated cheese and house-made croutons set it apart from the rest.

Hot Dog, with all the fixins, and outstandingly firm toasted bun.
Real grill marks to tide you over 'til next springtime's cookouts.
Small bowl of lettuce with poppyseed dressing reminiscent of what you'd get with an airplane meal.

Kurry Xpress

10841 Q Street (Southwest corner of 108th and Q, tucked inside a strip mall)
Omaha, NE 68137
(402) 934-5054
Open for lunch and dinner, closes in between, closed Mondays
www.kurryxpress.com

Navratan Korma--
"Mixed vegetables cooked in a kurry sauce and topped with cream," kutting too many korners with the frozen veg.

Chicken Vindaloo. Or something like that.

I'm not afraid of so-called "hole-in-the-wall" places. Bare bones, no frills and inexpensive, sometimes with questionable cleanliness and suspicious service. It's no secret that these kinds of locations often serve up the best-tasting, most authentic and interesting cuisine. That said, it wasn't the lack of music or unexciting atmosphere at Kurry Xpress that bothered me. It wasn't the disposable plates and cutlery, though I do wonder if they are properly equipped to wash their cooking utensils somewhere in the depths of the curtained kitchen. It wasn't the 20 minute wait for my food at this "Xpress," or the extra charge for charging it to your credit card, or the curt counter guy. The problem with this place is the sucky food. There, I said it. This place has fans, and I don't know why. The frozen vegetables in the Navratan Korma were drowning in the extremely thick cream sauce, so much so that it took me a while to figure out which vegetables I was actually eating. The sauce was bland to my taste buds, just a hot and heavy mess of calories I ultimately couldn't justify ingesting. The Chicken Vindaloo was marginally better, though it did remind me of cheap Chinese food, as if the salty sauce came from a packet full of MSG. For a dish known for its spice, it had my tongue tingling about as much as a packet of Taco Bell Fire sauce. The basmati rice was remarkably dry. The star of the meal, and the only thing I finished, was the portion of fried onion strings that came on my styrofoam plate.

The Indian hot bar at Whole Foods blows the socks off this place. And so, the search for the best Indian cuisine in Omaha continues... Please don't make me stock my freezer with Tandoor Chef and Ethnic Gourmet!

Worker's Takeout

1620 Dodge Street (Basement of First National Building)

Omaha, NE 68102

(402) 991-6131

Open 11am-2pm Monday thru Friday; better set an alarm!

THEE Cuban Pork Roast (Half version)

This place used to be attached to O'leaver's Pub, which, judging by the clientele there, might be the last place you'd want to market your workforce-centric sandwiches. Note the cute Communist theme on the website. Now "Worker's," as those who know call it, is located downtown, sharing counter space with a Scooter's coffee. Less dinge and more suits, but still with the same kick-ass Cuban. Notable here is the value: The ingredients are absolute top, and you can get a giant half sandwich plus chips and pickle for four bucks! The veggie deluxe sand with jalapeños is killer; the meat is not missed. Maybe ask for light cheese, though, unless you're in the mood for your sandwich to ooze out the sides.

The Veggie Deluxe Half Sandwich

Skip the kettle chips and add a side of potato salad, or the beans and rice, or a CONEY DOG. Hard workers need hearty food you know.

Red Potato Salad