Gusto Cuban Cafe

7910 Harrison Street
Ralston, NE 68128
(402) 614-7800
Sun 4-8pm; Mon Closed; Tue-Thu 5-9pm; Fri 11:30am-2pm, 5pm-1am; Sat 1pm-2am
www.gustocubancafe.com

Ropa Vieja Sandwich on Toasted Cuban Bread
(Sandwiches served until 6:30pm only)

Ah, the Gusto Groupon. It seems Gusto has been the "Deal of the Day" more than once, the most recent bargain offering two mojitos, an appetizer, and two entrees for the measly--and suspicious--price of $15. Desperate times lead to desperate coupons, I always say. But before I assumed the worst about Gusto, I headed in, sans Groupon, to see the place for myself. The hours can be tough if you're not a 9 to 5er, so plan accordingly. We arrived at 1:20pm on a Friday; we were told we had to order right away, and that we had until 2:15 to finish our meals and then we had to leave. Egads! Suddenly it seemed easier to get into Cuba without a visa than to dine there. I quickly decided to go with the dish with which I was most familiar, the ropa vieja entree, which happened to cost as much as the entire Groupon deal. This version of ropa vieja, meaning "Old Clothes," came with a trio of sides. To taste the robust earthiness of the kidney beans next to the congri rice--most likely a family recipe--on one forkful was truly delectable. Along with the candied sweetness of chewy soft plantains, these side dishes could have been a meal for me. The stringy, shredded beef brisket, swimming in a boat of tomato-based sauce, was simply not as exciting and flavorful as its accompaniments.

The deep wooden booths were scribbled and Sharpie-d with all sorts of shout outs and tags; it reminded me of what a graffitied Havanan alley might look like (or maybe just your average bar bathroom stall), and we thought about defacing it with some crude image just for fun (but we didn't). If you'd like to try Gusto, I'd recommend snagging one of those Groupons, since it can be a bit pricey for what it is, and don't necessarily expect pleasant service. It's a rough around the edges family place that I hope to try once more.

Toasted Parmesan-dusted Garlic Bread (to start)

Congri Rice--White rice and beans with garlic, onion, pepper, etc.
Fried Sweet Plantains--Like a candied banana of sorts
Red Kidney Beans--Eat with a spoon

The main part of the ropa vieja:
"Shredded brisket steak in a Cuban creole sauce" 

La Mesa Mexican Restaurant

84th Street and Tara Plaza
Papillion, NE 68046
(402) 593-0983
Plus four other locations in the Omaha metro area, and a few in KS and MO
Sun thru Thurs 11am to 10pm, Fri and Sat 11am to 10:30pm
www.la-mesa.com

Combination #1:
One Beef Enchilada, One "Chili con Queso" Tostada,
One Crunchy Beef Taco and One Crunchy Chicken Taco

Beware, beware. Halloween was weeks ago, but the scariest thing to happen to me all year was yesterday at lunch. I had prepared for an average honky Mexican experience, with mounds of melted cheese, mild salsa, and high fructose Margaritas. It was true the salsa was mild, but the chips were light, airy and crunchy. My large Marg--with its fake sugar bite--may have brought me a step closer to diabetes, but I can't deny that I enjoyed the thick, velvety sucrose quality, and the subsequent slight buzz. The booths and tables could have been designed by Frida Kahlo and Diego Rivera on a very, very bad acid trip. But the real fright came when the Combo #1 was brought to our mesa. The tostada was advertised as "chili con queso," and so I anticipated a glop of Hormel-esque chili with cheddar. The Taco Bellian side of me thought it might actually be good. What I got was a flat corn tortilla directly out of a package, spread with ground beef that didn't have a hint of salt or pepper, let alone cayenne, cumin, or anything else tasty. There was some major skimp-age on the cheese, too, which I thought was supposed to be the cornerstone of honky-Mex. The tacos were soggy and utterly bland. The enchilada was spongy, and the sauce reminded me of ketchup. A far cry from the steaming casserole dish of baked enchiladas I like to imagine.

The prompt service ultimately couldn't make up for the poor quality food. On their website, the restaurant claims: "La Mesa's 'authentic' taste is created from family recipes made with only the freshest quality ingredients." I adamantly believe this to be a flat out fabrication, as I am fairly sure Mexicans do not eat unseasoned ground beef wrapped in a Mission tortilla covered in canned enchilada sauce. I suspect, based on the product I sampled, that the kitchen is actually nothing but a sea of steam table pans full of cheap ingredients off a Sysco truck. For this reason, La Mesa gets two fat thumbs down.

Chips and Salsa:
Not spicy, but still decent

House Margarita with el Jimador Tequila

(Try Agave at 5013 Underwood Avenue in Dundee, if ultra-Americanized Mexican is what you crave. For there is something to be said about that special feeling you get when the sizzling, smoking fajita plate is brought to your table. If you want to OD on chips and queso dip, Agave might well be your den.)

Jack and Mary's Restaurant

655 North 114th Street
Omaha, NE 68154
(402) 496-2090
Open Monday thru Friday lunch and dinner, Saturday dinner, Sunday brunch 10am-2pm and dinner til 8:30pm
www.jackandmarysrestaurant.com 

Fried Chicken and Waffles

Fried chicken is something I'm only really "getting into" now, in my late twenties. Kind of like how people my age are getting into having kids. But I guess it's a little different. Anyway, I've figured out that there are a few things that make great fried chicken: It must be served hot, right out of the fryer; no heat lamps allowed. It shouldn't be overly greasy, sliding around on your plate like a possessed Ouija board planchette. The meat should be of good quality, which means more edible than non-edible parts. The batter should be seasoned with spices, but not too salty, and kept to a thin coating, so as to not cover up the flavor of the actual chicken. The first bite should be of meat, not just of fried matter. At Jack and Mary's, they know the fried chicken formula well. The waitstaff of old veterans and fresh faced newbies wore t-shirts that read "Giving Omaha the Bird For Over 30 Years," a claim they can definitely back up.

We went for brunch, where my leg and thigh adorned a Belgian-style waffle. Incorporating some vanilla into the waffle recipe could have made it less bland, and it could have been crispier on the outside, but the whipped butter and giant ramekin of syrup made it all work out. Jack's Plate was the typical two eggs/bacon/hash browns/toast, except it was atypically large, and overall very well executed. Neighboring tables were guzzling gizzards and giblets, iceberg and ranch from the salad bar, and mashed potatoes with extra gravy, in such a way I swore the retirees had been saving their appetites all week. In a West Omaha strip mall, the interior pulls off the country kitchen feel. I get the sense not every dish on the menu maintains the homemade-from-scratch model, so choose your items carefully. Flyers advertised a special Thanksgiving dinner for $12.95, where you'll probably find me, imbibing at the bar and polishing my plate.

Brunch entrees served with fresh fruit, and cinnamon rolls, which were heavy as heck.

Dark Rye Bread

Jack's Plate:
At least two industrial spatula-fulls of hash browns, two extra large eggs, and a bouquet of bacon

Fat in Chicago

Van Gogh, The Drinkers, Art Institute of Chicago

Just like my 27 hours in Chicago, we'll make this quick:
The bus plopped me down in the middle of downtown on a Friday night. I thought about joining the cluster of ragtag "Occupy" protesters, but the numerous restaurants, still brimming with patrons after 9pm, seemed more inviting. Once again, my hunger eclipsed my punk sensibilities.

Knowing full well I was stumbling into the tourist-iest of touristy tourist joints (totally not punk!), I headed into Giordano's, hoping to God I could get one of their "world famous" stuffed deep dish pizzas in a size I could handle, or maybe just bum a slice from someone. Sadly, the very smallest would have run me $20 after tax and tip. Happily, this led me to order the Italian Beef sandwich instead. Just think: A toasty roll filled with tender beef sliced a millimeter thick, dipped in beef gravy, which was more like a salty, herby jus. The bartender asked if I was in town to run the Chicago Marathon. I chuckled, shook my head, and took another giant bite.

Eye-talian Beef sandwich at Giordano's

For lunch, I couldn't help but try an Indian fast casual restaurant with a Qdoba-like assembly line. Look, I watched a whole season of "America's Next Great Restaurant" hoping the Indian guy would win so I could someday experience this very thing. Chutney Joe's Indian Diner is a budding chain with two locations so far, and more coming soon. I tried the Red Bean Rajma, with a yogurt, tomato, roasted cumin and ginger sauce. The beans were suspiciously canned and smushy, but the sauce, garlicky naan and basmati rice were right on. At under $6, it was the one affordable thing I found in the whole city.

Red Bean Rajma at Chutney Joe's

Chicago's famed deep dish pizza is apparently only good if you have friends to share with, as I couldn't find a single place that sold by the slice. With two hours to go, I got desperate and tried a regular crust at State Street Pizza Co. This pizza was heavy, yo. I think it weighed double your average. The crust was dense and had a hint of honey. I sat at one of the window barstools, watched some freaks and families stroll by, and felt rather at home in a big city. This place could be a prime spot to stop and re-fuel mid-evening.

Slice of Pep from State Street Pizza Co. 

The Big Three

There were also the Gin-Gin Mules at the Whistler and the beers at some Wicker Park bar. At the Art Institute, my Art History minor made me feel majorly smart. It was a good day.

Halloween Visit to Quaker Steak & Lube

3220 Mid America Drive
Council Bluffs, IA 51501
Plus other locations throughout this fine country
(712) 322-0101
Monday thru Saturday open 'til 2am, Sunday 'til midnight
www.quakersteakandlube.com

These are wings.

For Halloween I dressed up as a Council Bluffs-onian and dined at the deplorable Quaker Steak. (Hey, I had a coupon!) The interior--with its mounted vehicle parts and bogus street signs--could have been from a nightmare. Our server acted like he hated his life. He was able to rattle off the beer menu quite impressively, though: Miller Lite, Busch Lite, Bud Lite, Blah Lite, Poop Lite, Butt Lite, etc. etc.  But, as far as wings go, these were pretty deece: A couple of full bites of meat, minimal stringy stuff, and "Supercharged" wing sauce that was actually spicy. The soft pretzels with cheese were almost as good as what you get at the movie theater. I pocketed the after-dinner Twizzler that came with the bill in case I ran into any kids in costume later.

Next time I think I'll leave the wing eatin' and Lube Tube drinkin' to the posse of dudes I know, and I'll stay home and knit or something.

These are pretzels.

B & G Tasty Foods

7900 West Dodge Road
Omaha, NE 68114-3423(402) 390-6096
Monday thru Saturday 11-9, Sunday 11-3
www.bgtastyfoods.com

The Bee Gee

"HOME OF THE LOOSE MEAT SANDWICH" the website proclaims. The term "loose meat" made me worry it would lead to loose something else, I have to admit. Happily, there were no physical side effects after scarfing down a Bee Gee sandwich, a Cheese Frenchee, and a chocolate shake. They say everything there is "unchanged since 1953." All I could think was we, as a human race, have gotten much better at deep frying things in the last sixty years. The Cheese Frenchee was mostly just a brick of fried matter, and surprisingly stingy on the cheese. Adding loose meat to the mix, as in the Bee Gee Frenchee, couldn't even take it up a level. As for the Bee Gee Sandwich, the supposed star, I expected the meat to be better seasoned and the bun to be toastier.

I'm gonna file this one under the "Better When Drunk" file. Hey, a lot of things are better when drunk, right? Maybe go in during Bee Gee happy hour, when they're a buck apiece weekdays from 4-6pm. Other than that I'd say stick to Don and Millie's for your Frenchee fix, where at least they have dollar margs to numb your gustatory sense.

Cheese Frenchee:
A deep fried grilled cheese

Bee Gee Frenchee:
A deep fried grilled cheese with LOOSE MEAT inside

Chocolate Shake and Boring Limp Soggy Fries

La Casita

1328 Park Avenue (just south of Poppleton Ave.)
Omaha, NE 68105
(402) 934-7575
Closed Mondays

To celebrate National Taco Day today, I'm sharing with you my favorite place to eat them in all of Omahaland. Perhaps one of the best kept secrets in the city, La Casita is a friendly little house that serves quality, authentic Mexicuisine. You can go just for the food, or you can relax and sip a Michelada or margarita. The jukebox tunes can get a little rambunctious, and beware of Sundays, when the place is bursting with fiesta. When you walk in, your nostrils will perk at the smell of refried beans, which will then cause your tongue to salivate. If this doesn't happen, there's something wrong with you. Try a taco al pastor in a soft flour tortilla. And maybe a carne asada quesadilla, which is a neatly stuffed brick of meat and cheese that is perfect to share with your pals. Vegetarians will only really have cocktails and chips to savor, but that's kind of hardcore, eh? Maybe a side of rice? No matter what, you will leave stuffed and happy with only a couple bucks missing from your wallet. See you there.

Michelada

Taco al Pastor and Carne Asada Burrito

Sope

Gordita and Taco with Flour Tortilla