Lighthouse Pizza

1004 South 74th Plaza (74th and Pacific)
402.932.6660
Mon-Thurs, Sun 11am to 10pm, Fri and Sat 11am to 3am
lhpizza.com

"Custom slice" Pepperoni and Mushroom ($4.99)

So I walk in, and the guy behind the counter says to me, "In case you haven't been here before, this is a New York style pizza joint." And so I says, "Yeah, well I'm from New York." I left out the part about how I was born in the city's Sixth Borough*, but to be clear, I'm the person who grabs a slice on the way to grab a slice. When I heard there was a self-proclaimed "New York style pizza place open late," I hopped on the subway (er, bus #11) and brought my appetite.

I skipped the Specialty Slice menu and went with a classic pep and mush. The mush were pretty mushy, and the pepperoni was more like sandwich salami, which was ok, but more appropriate on a hoagie. Moreover, the pepperoni was placed under the cheese, which is a full-fledged Midwestern practice, not East Coastian. The main problem, though, was the temperature. The slice came to me in under five minutes, but the crust felt and tasted undercooked, and the cheese would have melted more if I brought it outside and held it up to the sun. As a result, it had a soy cheese appearance -- which reminded me of Monsanto -- and I started to get upset. I was also perplexed by the side of Lighthouse sauce, since New Yorkers do not want or need to dip their pizza in anything, let alone salad dressing.

Lighthouse: I need you to do better. I need you to turn up the oven temp, or do whatever it is you need to do to get that crust browned and that shitty cheese melted. Wait, actually, get better cheese. Remember: Giant slices are only good if it's not a giant slice of crap. I might try you again in a few months to see if you've improved, but til then, I think you should actually take a trip to New York to see what it's all about, or at least hire me as your Pizza Advisor.

*That's what the hip people are calling Philadelphia these days.