Fat in Europe

Demented Hot Dog Man

Now that last month's Eurotrip is over, I can still taste the sausage, and am kind of still feeling the hangover. I invite you to salivate over my photos, mostly of street food. It's important to remember, though, that there is no good Mexican food in these countries; jarred salsa tastes like rancid ketchup. So, 'Merka is still better... specifically South O.

Amsterdam and Rotterdam

Those right-wing Dutch folk are trying to push out all the zillions of high-as-a-kite tourists with their new laws. But for now, the sweet smell of weed still lingers on the street. (Actually, I think it's kind of gross. Sorry.) I don't need the help of THC to get the munchies, and luckily there's an automatiek around every corner to soften the razor sharp edge of a hunger pang, offering mostly traditional handheld Dutch snacks. It's the fastest fast food ever. 

Smullers near Amsterdam Centraal Station --
insert coins, extract chicken burger.

There's loads of excellent Indonesian restaurants in the Netherlands, but if you're on the go, try a bami --
a breaded and deep-fried rectangle of thick, spiced noodles.

Giant warm stroopwafel --
sticky, caramel-like sauce sandwiched between two waffle cookies.

Remember that thing called "Occupy?" Still going strong here.

Kapsalon, a Rotterdam specialty (name roughly translates to barber shop):
fries, döner meat, melted cheese, salad and mayo.
ARE YOU SERIOUS? 

Erasmus Bridge connecting the north and south of Rotterdam,
and the typical spring weather.

Brussels

Two words: beer geek. That is what I was for the whole 24 hours in Belgium. 

Just your average convenience store:
Trappist ales, cherry lambics, and the go-to Jupiler (what you get around here if you just order "a beer").

Train stations have the best food. This waffle is no exception.

View from the top floor of the Magritte Museum

If I had any €€€, I would have dined here and had myself some fine Waterzooi -- traditional Belgian stew. 

Frites and mayo go together like peas and carrots.
Like peanut butter and jelly.
Like a beer and a cig.

Münster (and Enschede)

No, not like the cheese. That cheese comes from a little town in France with the same name. Münster is the town in North Rhine-Westphalia, Germany that I called home at one point. Known for its rainy weather and throngs of bicycles, Münster isn't exactly full of culinary excitement. Or any kind of excitement, really. Which is why, on Good Friday when everything was closed, we went to the Dutch border town of Enschede, along with hordes of other Germans. 

View from my friend's window. Sure ain't no bustling metropolis, but I guess it's ok.

Don't let the modest helping fool you, for I had three plates of
homemade schnitzel, salad with fluffy yogurt dressing and pan-fried potatoes.
Thanks to the Gorkes.

Pretzel roll with prosciutto. Everyday bakery items are divine.

Pommes Spezial --
curry ketchup, mayo, onions.
Can possibly curb your hunger til the next sausage fest.

This is what you get when you order coffee in Dutch. 

The oliebol is a Dutch doughnut that weighs the same as a baseball.
Wear all black on a windy day for the total effect.

Cologne

My second favorite city in Deutschland, home of the biggest gay pride parade around and the most annoying/crazy Karneval street parties. On Easter morning I walked across town to the city's crowning glory, the Cologne Cathedral, where the rising sun was poking out from behind the church's gothic spires. Then I caught a train to Berlin. 

At Engelbät, the cozy creperie with endless possibilities.
Mine was filled with broccoli, almond slivers, tomato sauce, cheese, and pesto.
Wash down with a thimbleful of Reissdorf Kölsch.
And if you don't like Kölsch beer, don't say so too loudly around these parts. 

I once lived by the adage:
"A tomato-sauce-poppy-seed-stick a day will keep the doctor away."
Aka Knusperstange.

The Rhine river --
And a bridge with a bunch of "Love Locks" attached to it.
Who decided that a padlock was a good symbol of love? 

Berlin

The sacred döner sandwich:
All hail to the spinning meat in the window, especially after a night of slamming Beck's.

This is not another NYC, despite all the flawed reviews from tired hipsters that say so. Berlin is unique. Berlin is magical. Berlin might as well be its own country, an aberration compared to the straight-laced complacency of most of the Fatherland. Even the color of the subway trains -- a hideous yellow not even fit for a limited-edition crayon -- is like nowhere else, not to mention the little Brandenburg Gate etchings on all the windows. 

East Side Gallery, where Smart cars and Coca-Cola trucks pass colorful remnants of the Wall. 

Bratwurst at Alexanderplatz, and the iconic Fernsehturm (TV tower). 

Waffle with Nutella, sandy sitting area of a Sunday flea market.
Makes total sense.

Beef Brisket from White Trash Fast Food, and a fish tank--
it was marginally cool. 

Street food fav, the Noodle Box --
bean sprouts, crispy onions, sometimes chicken. 

They like to eat arugula on pizza. Weirdos.

They also like to eat spicy salami on pizza. 

Shrimp tacos from Santa Maria in Kreuzberg --
they also have a Taco Tuesday with €1 tacos.
I think this place was specifically designed for Americans needing their Mexican fix.

Berlin is a falafel mecca.

The typical meal at home: tortellini with pesto and mozzarella tomato sandwiches,
and a tasty Rothaus Pils.

And with that, I headed to Tegel airport, a tiny building where you can still say goodbye right at the gate like in the movies, for the last time. In a few months it will be no longer in operation, and the new Berlin Brandenburg airport will take over. Yes, there are so many expats in this city that they actually need a new airport to handle the influx. With fingers crossed (or thumbs pressed, as they say), I smuggled a bunch of pretzels through security, which I froze and ate later. Catch ya later, Berlin. Try not to get too cool. 

The Bohemian Cafe

1406 South 13th Street
Omaha, NE 68108
(402) 342-9838
Open Sun-Thurs 11am-9pm, Fri/Sat 11am-10pm
More economical lunch prices are offered until 3pm everyday except Sunday.
www.bohemiancafe.net

Czechvar Lager Beer--
Also known as Budweiser Budvar in Europe,
beer critics call this one of the world's great beers.
I have to agree. 

Positively bustling on a recent blustery Saturday afternoon, this classic Omaha favorite -- and by "classic" I mean open since the Roaring Twenties -- still had plenty of room for our four-top, past a maze of tables and side rooms, to an intimate table near the windows. Our server could have been from New Jersey's best diner, refilling our coffee diligently, and then later, our beers. The decor was less kitschy than expected, but the use of "Czech" was not. (On the wall: We accept Czechs, not checks. On the menu: Czech us out.)

Egg Noodle Soup

Liver Dumpling Soup

The food was straightforward, no-frills, meat-and-potatoes, stick-to-your-ribs. Hearty. Simple. Comfort food. Vegetarians can enjoy the vibe -- and the booze -- but not a whole lot else. I wished I could have a whole loaf of their soft seeded rye and a crock of butter all to myself. The Egg Noodle Soup was just that: Egg noodles, like the German spätzle, and salty broth. The Liver Dumpling Soup came with one slightly rubbery ball of liver, which was mild in taste. I'd call this Liver for Beginners for someone on the fence. It's one of the Cafe's signature items, and it's a goody you won't find on Panera's list of daily soups.

Czech Goulash

Svickova (Czech Sauerbraten)

Both the Sweet and Sour Cabbage and the Sauerkraut were almost soupy and gooey, and a vast improvement over the canned variety we are likely used to. The Czech Goulash was a ladleful of beefy stew flavored with paprika over a thick, dense slice of bread dumpling. The Svickova, or Czech-style Sauerbraten, wasn't very tender, but the slightly sour gravy would make any Czech grandma proud. As if all this wasn't enough for my stomach o' steel, I added a Kolacky with warm prune filling, though other flavors such as Bavarian creme were available. Save your jokes about prunes, kids. This was the best pastry I've had since leaving Euroland. (At a $1.25 apiece, they're almost too good to be true.)

Kolacky:
More caky than flaky, filled with a slightly sweet warm prune compote.  

To describe the food at the Bohemian Cafe as "traditional" would be redundant and obvious. I picture the cooks slopping the stuff on your plate with extra love and care -- but slopping nonetheless. I overheard a woman with a thick German accent bemoaning the lack of boiled beef on that particular day. I say boil your beef at home and go here for beers, liqueurs, pastries, dumplings and soups you can't get anywhere else.

Just set me up with a few loaves of this seeded rye for the winter and I'll be just fine.

Don't forget to Czech out the FiO Facebook page and "Like" it: http://www.facebook.com/pages/Fat-In-Omaha/124948780916431?ref=tn_tnmn

Phat in Philadelphia (and NYC)

I didn't do Steven Starr, or Bobby Flay, or Le Bec Fin, or hardly anything traditionally defined as "good food." I did, however, visit my teenage haunts and other old faves, and nearly OD'd on pizza. And the beer. My God, the beer. I danced, I explored, I ate, and I drank. I didn't snap a photo of every single thing 'cause there just wasn't time to stop.

Golden Castle Diner, North Wilmington, DE
Can't deny that late-night cravin' for something so greasy it slips out of your hands. And some chocolate pie from the pie case, cuz, why not? I mean, food always winds up yellow and brown anyway, right?

Monochromatic Meal #1: Classic Grilled Cheese

Yes, we got a side of fries, too.

Chocolate Cream Pie

Pinocchio's Pizza and Beer Garden To Go, Media, PA
I started eating here when I was about eight years old, with my family. Then, my high school cafeteria had their pizza, and I distinctly remember eating it on a daily basis the entire tenth grade year. All You Can Eat pizza and soda nights kept us suburban punk ass kids out of trouble. But, it seems Pinocchio's got a taste for beer a little later than I did, opening the "beer garden" addition just a couple of years ago. Skyrocketing to success, they just clinched the sought-after title for Best Beer Shop in all of Phillyland, according to Philadelphia Magazine's most recent issue, which is kind of a huge deal. An absolute must visit if you're anywhere near it. P.S. For all you "Philly" sandwich eaters out there in Omaha, this is what it's supposed to look like. (I'm partial to chicken, as opposed to the classic beef cheesesteak, a leftover from my years as a strict non-cow eater.)

Chicken Cheesesteak:
A hot mess of thinly chopped chicken, fried onions and hot peppers, with provolone, on a top-of-the-line toasted hoagie roll. Sa-weet!

Monochromatic Meal #2: Fried Sampler Platter--
There's rings, bites, nugs, sticks, blah blah blah.

De Proef/ Sly Fox Broederlijke Liefde ON TAP!
I also had a Brotherly Suds, which is the collaborative effort of five different Philly microbreweries.

He told me he'd knock it down to $300, but I still couldn't swing it.

Beers, and beer reflections. And some chick.

The lucky ones to come home with us.

And, speaking of 'zza, here's a shot of one of my daily slices from any NYC pizzeria. Note the triangle shape:

Square pizza is just plain wronG.

Coffee Shop, Union Square, NYC
In the ranks of overpriced Manhattan diners and other eateries, this place is kinda low on the list. It did, however, solve the problem of where to suck down a Mimosa. (Of the mango variety, which was actually more like a Bellini, not pictured here cause there was a hole in my glass. Hehe.)

Grilled Shrimp Chopped Salad with Romaine, Roasted Corn and Black Beans

Wild Mushroom Omelette

Guess.

Dos Toros, Union Square, NYC
After a long day wandering up and down Fifth Ave for no particular reason, a pit stop was in order, this time to a Qdoba-like hole-in-the-wall bursting with NYU kids, who were clearly majoring in Personal Space Invasion. The girl behind me in line totally just took a course on Breathing Down a Stranger's Neck. Ah, anyway. My taco was huge and the extra hot salsa was obscenely spicy, but it did the trick.

Carnitas Taco--
With a downright rude hot salsa

Whole Foods Beer Room, Bowery, NYC
No trip to this area would be complete without a stop at the Whole Foods Bowery location. They've got a beer room where you can get growlers of beers you've never heard of. And everything you need for home brewing, if you're into that sort of thing, which it seems every dude and his mom is these days. Yes folks, this supermarket location truly has everything your average white person likes.

Beer Stuff 

More Beer Stuff

Loreley, Williamsburg, Brooklyn
There was a time when I felt if I never had a German beer again it would be too soon. I am now partially recovered from my couple of years stuck in the world of piss pilsners, and so it seemed appropriate to go to the newer Brooklyn version of one of my old LES hangouts. Currywurst, THEE Berlin street food, was never my personal favorite, but I felt obliged to try it. This version was a tad smushy, and the fries were soooo McDonald's, but they nailed the curry ketchup part. On a long wooden table under a wide umbrella, I nibbled and sipped leisurely and didn't even notice the sun had gone down.

Ein Kölsch und ein Grüner Veltliner--
Und die schöne Fingernägel meiner Cousine!

Currywurst:
There's actually a museum for this in Berlin.

John's Village Market, Brookhaven, PA
The place to go for a quality sandwich, especially if you're a sweaty construction worker dude with one of them Philly accents.

Classic Italian Hoagie:
Pepper ham, capicola, Genoa salami, provolone

Chicken Pesto Panini, one half--
REALLY, REALLY GOOD

Wash it all down with some meat flavored chips.

Eulogy Belgian Tavern, Old City, Philadelphia
The bar stools are always full at this Old City classic, and I like to think of it as a good place to duck into to avoid the throngs of bros and hoes doing the mating call in this part of town every weekend night.

Twice Fried Belgian Frietjes--
With "Beneluxx" sauce, bourbon remoulade, and malt vinegar aioli.
A glob of mayo would have been fine too. 

Just a LaChouffe and a Kasteel Rouge on tap, no big deal here.  Two of my faves.

Piet-Agoras Belgian ale--
A nice, rare brew. A little fruity, caramel-y, sour-ish, with a hoppy finish. 

Beneluxx Tasting Room, Old City, Philadelphia
A block away from Eulogy, this basement bar with the same owners wasn't as bustling, but there were more interesting menu options. Next time I'm gonna do the fondue.

Chimay, meet Beemster. Tried and true delicious cheeses, with a nice bare-bones presentation.
Hey, at least the plate is rectangular. 

This here's a panini. That's all I really remember.

Sierra Nevada's Ovila Abbey Dubbel

There was also the dry white wine and olive tapenade and goat cheese crostini at Gemma in the Bowery Hotel, where I didn't see anyone too famous but was entertained by the surly waitstaff. And then the late-late-night falafel that I somehow got all over my shirt. Across the great divide known as the East River, I sipped on an absinthe cocktail, which didn't make me hallucinate, but did get me tipsy enough to happily slurp down my very first oyster, at Maison Premiere. Oh, and let's not forget the bowl of Cheerios on the first class flight home.

And now, to sleep. For a week. And maybe think about eating a vegetable of some sort.