Lansky's Pizza Pasta & Philly Steaks

4601 S 50th St (at L St) 

402-731-1919 — put this one on speed dial (people still do that)

Open daily 11am – 9pm or something 

Plus locations in Bellevue and Council Bluffs

lanskys.biz 

Sleek font, sloppy food

Imagine waking up in a parallel universe, where animals can talk, the cab company doesn't suck, and your neighbors champion really disgusting foods. For one of those scenarios, you don't have to imagine anymore — you can just go to Lansky's. 

We were bumbling around near 50th and L when hunger struck and a quick consultation with the smartphone (93% on Urbanspoon!) ultimately pivoted the car into the parking lot. At first, it seemed Lansky's had the makings of something good. The awkward layout and quaint-yet-hideous interior all pointed to the idea that the food's too good to be bothered with atmosphere. A sign at the translucent iceberg lettuce salad bar read, "One trip only, please." I felt that was legitimate, that the owners are too busy quietly turning out Omaha's best pizza to be bogged down by unnecessary salad costs. The aroma of the place even reminded me of the neighborhood pizza joints I terrorized as an adolescent. (The reader has been reminded that I grew up on the East Coast and am therefore an absolute authority on most things, including all types of pizza.) Tables started to file in with subdued excitement, placing their orders at the counter and then plopping down on the salmon-colored padded chairs, sipping from styrofoam cups and chatting about all the joys and hardships of being a South Central Omahan while nonchalantly waiting to have their minds blown by the best food on the planet. 

No, I don't do food styling: the Philly cheesesteak with wayward onions and peppers

But no. Just, no. With the food on the table, and the shock of its appearance faded ("It could still be good!" I screamed in my head), we dug in, only to be met with hopelessly poor quality — it was in-your-face cheap. The Philly cheesesteak bun tasted like a knockoff of something you'd find at a church spaghetti dinner, and as a whole, the sandwich had an off-putting flavor; I think the mass-produced "American Swiss cheese" was the culprit.

Then there was the pizza. Piled with pounds of tasteless cheese and pepperoni, the spongy crust was the color of pasty legs in winter.  I thought it might just be undercooked, but it became clearer and clearer that another few minutes in the oven wouldn't have done much for this heap of shitty ingredients. In one final attempt to reconcile my hunger, I pulled back the inch-thick inedible layer of toppings and pushed it to the side, folded the white, doughy, sponge square in half while it oozed yellow oily matter, and gulped it down. I cursed myself for not stopping at Casey's General Store instead. I thought about the last time I had DiGiorno, and how it's only $4.99 for a pie. I wondered why I put myself through this. 

The pepperoni pie:
It's true I loathe the party cut and toppings under cheese,
but what I loathe more than anything is a bunch of Sysco-sourced ingredients masquerading as something good.
I'd say it's more in line with school cafeteria quality, but I wouldn't want any children eating this.

By now we all know the internet is riddled with untruths. But studying the restaurant's red hot glowing diner reviews online is more than puzzling. It makes me feel like there's something wrong with me. If this is it, then what am I doing? Why am I here? What's the point? Am I trapped in a dystopian novel? 

The way people feel about Lansky's makes me think it's me against the world.  

Frank's Pizzeria (and other thoughts)

711 North 132nd Street
402-493-0404
Open Mon-Thurs 11am-9pm, Fri & Sat 11am-10pm, Sun 3pm-9pm
franksnewyorkpizza.com

One time we ordered a bunch of Frank's at work. It lasted five minutes.

As I sat today compulsively wringing the excess cream cheese from my jalapeño popper before submerging it in a ranch bath, anticipating another just sorta decent pie at Frank's, I thought I'd weigh in. The Omaha World Herald recently named Frank's one of the three best pizzas in Omaha, specifically dominating the "less fancy" category. I found that interesting because I've eaten at Frank's four times in the last two months, but not necessarily because I love it. A more accurate description of why I make the trip Out West would be that I don't regret it. It's not bad by any means. It's just not that great.

Frank's is decent, but this pile of raw onions and
floppy sausage, combined with the wonky pizza cutter work,
sort of beg the question,
"What the heck is going on here?"

The cheese, sometimes with a grainy quality, often comes not melted enough -- it's definitely not the bubbling, browned appearance desired of New York-style pizza. In fact, both the sausage and onion on today's pie were curiously undercooked. The crust, however oven charred on the bottom it may be, somehow manages to reduce to a soggy state within minutes. A "best pizza" title holder might want to address this major structural flaw. It flops under the weight almost immediately.

Still, for the most part, Frank knows what he's doing. Overall, the assemblage of dough, cheese, and sauce tastes good enough to come back to, though I can't quite explain why.

Brick Oven likes to serve slices with an unusual 90° angle.

If you're looking for another New York-style option, try Brick Oven. Concealed in the shadows of Nebraska Furniture Mart, this pie -- available by the slice -- has a much sturdier and more flavorful crust. I can't vouch at all for consistency (one time I had to leave behind a mangled pile of stringy cheese and chewy sausage on the plate) but on a good day, it might just be better than Frank's. Plus, the place reminds me exactly of the mom-and-pop pizza joints I grew up eating at, save for the zealous owner/operator behind the counter who might be overbearing or just extremely passionate about his brand.

I'm partial to New York-style because I grew up with it. But I like Neapolitan. I like Sicilian. I'll own up to my vices and admit I even have a soft spot for total junk food Godfather's garbage when the time is right. Mostly, though, I'm a sucker for a timeworn recipe, or at least a healthy fervor for the craft of pizza making that doesn't wane after a few years. I think that's what makes a good pie, no matter what your style preference may be.

Consider the gallery below for a few other good ones in town:

A recent gut busting cheesy favorite,
albeit with an unimpressive crust
considering the owner's penchant for baking,
is the meatball pizza at Nicola's in the Old Market.

(UPDATE: A more recent visit revealed an herby, buttery,
flavorful crust. I stand corrected.)

Tasty Pastry serves personal sized pizzas on the cheap.
Here, atop an absolutely delectable, chewy crust,
are Brussels sprouts, pecorino, brie, bacon, and onions.

This is what Baxter's in Benson looked like when it first opened:
I'll trade you a sloppy pile of haute toppings
artfully made from local ingredients for a crust that's not corrugated cardboard.

This tasty jalapeño bacon slice illustrates the progression
of working out the recipe kinks at Baxter's. Cheers.  

Denying yourself a Dante pie because you're
repelled by its unfortunate location would be a shame.
The "Amore di carni" is a love worth dying for, even if that's just a
cheesy claim meant to convey that this
Neapolitan-style pizza is really effing good.

More Frank's

La Casa Pizzaria

4432 Leavenworth Street

402.556.0585

Open Tues-Thurs 11am-10pm, Fri and Sat 11am-10:30pm, Sun 4:30pm-9:30pm, closed Mon

lacasapizzaria.net

Double slice deal:
Spicy sausage with olives, and
 "Genoa Bianco" with artichoke hearts and mushrooms

As I was bumbling down Leavenworth Street the other day, I noticed a sign next to La Casa's Best Pizza in Nebraska facade advertising a lunch special of two slices and a salad for $6.69.

My addiction is to pizza no secret. When I saw that sign, my excitement was palpable. 

Side salad with creamy Romano dressing

The appetizer lunch salad -- a handful of colorful greens, a blob of house-made cheesy dressing, and a chunk of herb focaccia -- provided some much-needed foliage for the day's diet without killing my pizza buzz. The slices arrived rectangular, and seemed reheated, but with exceptional toppings such as spicy sausage and fresh mushrooms. Another thing that I imagine makes La Casa's schtick special is the dense, flaky, pie-like edges. But strangely unlike pie crust, it buckled under the weight of the toppings and flopped towards the table when I picked it up. Cue the sad trombone sound effect. 

The Hot Italian Beef sandwich was a fine specimen, though if you want to get technical it was more like a French Dip. And the pizza was more like... flatbread? Ok, I'll shut up.

Should anyone ever have the gall to leave Omaha, La Casa now ships its pizzas nationwide (four pies for only $100, plus a nominal $49.99 shipping fee). Because, ya know, there's nothing like it anywhere. 

Hot Italian Beef sandwich --
I wonder if they'd ship one of these to Chicago?

Addendum:

They say sex is like pizza -- "even when it's bad it's still pretty good." But I maintain that bad sex and bad pizza are both pretty depressing. Unless you're drunk, of course, in which case neither exist. Behold this Chicken Caesar slice I ordered recently in a fit of intoxication and you'll understand. I've enjoyed many a lackluster pie in my day, but until I finally attain the status of functioning alcoholic, I just won't understand La Casa's die-hard appeal.

Chicken Caesar Salad slice, Anna Maria Pizza, Brooklyn --
Hot lettuce is not the same as hot sex.

Lighthouse Pizza

1004 South 74th Plaza (74th and Pacific)
402.932.6660
Mon-Thurs, Sun 11am to 10pm, Fri and Sat 11am to 3am
lhpizza.com

"Custom slice" Pepperoni and Mushroom ($4.99)

So I walk in, and the guy behind the counter says to me, "In case you haven't been here before, this is a New York style pizza joint." And so I says, "Yeah, well I'm from New York." I left out the part about how I was born in the city's Sixth Borough*, but to be clear, I'm the person who grabs a slice on the way to grab a slice. When I heard there was a self-proclaimed "New York style pizza place open late," I hopped on the subway (er, bus #11) and brought my appetite.

I skipped the Specialty Slice menu and went with a classic pep and mush. The mush were pretty mushy, and the pepperoni was more like sandwich salami, which was ok, but more appropriate on a hoagie. Moreover, the pepperoni was placed under the cheese, which is a full-fledged Midwestern practice, not East Coastian. The main problem, though, was the temperature. The slice came to me in under five minutes, but the crust felt and tasted undercooked, and the cheese would have melted more if I brought it outside and held it up to the sun. As a result, it had a soy cheese appearance -- which reminded me of Monsanto -- and I started to get upset. I was also perplexed by the side of Lighthouse sauce, since New Yorkers do not want or need to dip their pizza in anything, let alone salad dressing.

Lighthouse: I need you to do better. I need you to turn up the oven temp, or do whatever it is you need to do to get that crust browned and that shitty cheese melted. Wait, actually, get better cheese. Remember: Giant slices are only good if it's not a giant slice of crap. I might try you again in a few months to see if you've improved, but til then, I think you should actually take a trip to New York to see what it's all about, or at least hire me as your Pizza Advisor.

*That's what the hip people are calling Philadelphia these days. 

Clancy's Pub, Pizza & Grill

7128 Pacific Street
402.393.1610
Plus two other locations in Omaha, kitchen open 11am-11pm, seven days, bar open 'til 2am
clancysomaha.com

Spinach Artichoke Dip ($7.99)

The shamrock on the outside could hardly prepare me for the outmoded did-a-leprauchaun-throw-up-in-here "Irish-themed" interior. There were about one zillion televisions, though, making it a perfect place to zone out in the middle of meaningless conversation. There's no indication the menu, climate control system, jukebox, or clientele have been updated since 1977, the year this, the original Clancy's location, opened its doors. Case in point, the conversation I overheard at the bar during "Jumpin' Jack Flash:"

-"Say, Bill, you're about as old as Mick Jagger, aren't ya?"
-"Uh. (Pause.) No, I don't think so."
-"Yeah, but he's almost 70 too, isn't he?"
-"Yeah, but... naw."

Out came the first course, a creamy concoction with a variety of dipping apparatus. If you don't like tortilla chips with your spin dip, try celery! And if you don't like celery, try marble rye toast! The presentation reminded me of one of my healthy dinners I'd throw together in college. But it was pleasantly cheesy, with large artichoke pieces. All in all, I'd rate it as a mediocre-to-good version of this comfort food favorite.

Large Pepperoni Pizza ($14.50)

I'm quite critical of pizza, but I tried to go into this with an open mind. Although the "party cut" drives me nuts (as I discuss here), this pizza might actually do best at a party. A kid's party. Like, at Chuck E. Cheese. The crust and sauce didn't taste like much; the best quality was the stringy mozzarella that didn't want to break, providing mild amusement. I'm chewing on the leftovers as I write this, and I can say with confidence that if you have $14.50 and want pizza, this is not the place to go.

Our bartender/waitress, who was quite curt at first ("Is that what I heard?" she scorned as she repeated our order), opened up to us a little by the end. But for a place with ultra-conventional cuisine and decor, you'd at least expect the service to be friendly and the prices to be low. The good news is that you, too, can be the proud owner of a large one-topping pizza, for free. I don't know what the catch is if there is one, but if you sign up for a free Pinpoint Card, you'll get a bunch of great restaurant coupons in the mail. Hey, free is free, even if it is tasteless, greasy pizza pie served by someone who acted like she didn't want us there.

The "Party Cut"

I don't know about you, but when I think of the word "party," the image of an innocent round pizza mangled into sixteen or so tiny pieces doesn't come to mind. Also known as the "tavern cut" (Wikipedia tells me), this pizza slicing method leaves you with only a few Good Pieces: The center slices wind up as floppy, lifeless grease pools, and the outer edges are condemned to exist as virtually crust only, a waning moon-shaped, cheese-less wheat gristle that only the loser at the "party" should chew.

It doesn't help that my roots are lodged in the land of Philly Sandwiches (but where I'm from we give them the exotic title of cheesesteak). I think it's safe to say that most East Coasters might actually get sick at the sight of a round pie with square divisions. My biggest issue isn't the soggy center, but the fact that I don't know how much I'm supposed to eat. When you say "I had a slice of pizza before I passed out last night," I can picture what a triangle wedge looks like, but precisely how many of these squares does that equal? Two? Three? But they're all different sizes! I can't tell! With slices like this I'm forced to rely solely on my body's hormonal and neurological signals to tell me I'm full, which never works out.

The floppy, crustless grease pool that is the center slice.
Does this look appetizing?

The edge. All crust. No glory. 

To me, this is a ridiculous way to enjoy the Best Food on Earth. The pizza is thin, but you can't fold it, and since you can't fold it, there's no crease for the grease to drip out onto your plate, and with no grease crease, you ingest more grease. I know there are all types of pizza across the United States and even some decent ones in other countries. Give me a Chicago deep dish any day. I think I can understand that one. But this thin crust party-cut hack job bullshit? Not at my party.

Pitch Pizzeria

5021 Underwood Avenue
Omaha, NE 68132
402.590.2625
Lunch Tues-Sat, 11am-4:30pm, Dinner Mon-Sun, 4:30pm to close
pitchpizzeria.com

13" Margherita pizza: San Marzano tomato sauce, fresh mozzarella, fresh basil ($13)

Dundee residents, act cool. Not only is Conor Oberst opening a new bar on Dodge Street, but Pitch on Underwood Ave just had a celeb sighting last weekend: the man, the myth, the Bono was there wining and dining. Since Bono lives and breathes cool, I figured the "coal oven pizzeria" was overdue for a visit.

The only seating available at 7:30 on a Monday evening was two high top bar stools facing the street, which had the feel of outdoor dining without all the car exhaust and bugs. The space was a little tight; just make sure you like the person you're with.

Roasted Brussels sprouts: garlic, pancetta, grana cheese ($6)

Dundonians have cautioned me for some time that the crust is extremely thin and crispy, so I was basically expecting sauce and cheese on a Saltine. The reality is that the crust was just right: chewy and powdered with flour on the bottom, with a one-inch perimeter of browned exterior to give it some character, and the occasional crust bubble. On the classic Margherita pie, there was nothing really "standout" about the sauce and cheese; it was just plain good. This is all-purpose pizza, good for getting all Euro about it and eating with a fork and knife, or for munching on in front of the fridge in your underwear.

On the whole roasted rainbow trout entree, the French green lentils were rather al dente, which suited my taste, but I wondered whether that was on purpose. It was advertised as a whole fish, but in the end, "Excuse me ma'am, where's my fish tail?" didn't seem like a necessary question. The dish was popping with rich flavor that managed not to overwhelm the trout, and I thought the messy pile presentation was kind of interesting. It was fun to eat.

I commend our server for mostly leaving us alone, and though the restaurant was full, her timing was perfect. It's great to visit a popular restaurant that's also deserving, but I'm kind of pissed they didn't really give me much to pick on. Pitch is a crowd pleaser, good for Bonos and regular humans alike.

Whole roasted rainbow trout: caramelized apples, fennel, onions, French green lentils, sage walnut butter ($17)

Varsity Sports Café & Roman Coin Pizza

4900 Dodge Street
Omaha, NE 68132
402.934.9439
Open 11am to midnight, bar open til 2am, Sunday is 25 cent wing night.
They hope to start delivery soon.
Plus three other locations in Omaha
www.varsityomaha.com

Mini 7" Pizza with Pepperoni

Although sports bars fall into the "not for me" category, pizza is very much my thing, so I found myself checking out the newest location of this area chain on a recent Saturday afternoon in Dundee. The 14 or so televisions didn't help my ability to make conversation, but the servers' outfits provided some entertainment. Just like belly shirts in the 90s, wearing tights with no skirt/shorts is a privilege, not a right. Hopefully they stimulated some manly men to tip extra based on their behinds and bosoms. I chose to fixate instead on the ample assortment of draft beers, a slightly dented grand piano in the corner, and the traffic on Dodge.

The wings were suspiciously huge with extra white meat, like no other wings I've ever had the pleasure of staining my cheeks orange with. Apart from the freakishness, they tasted good, but the sauce was only of average hotness, despite our cocky request for "as hot as possible." The pizza uncannily reminded me of what you'd get at Chuck E. Cheese. But, the crust was thin and the cheese was browned, which is more than you can say about some local pizza chains. I could get in the mood for this again. They also reportedly offer a decent deep dish.

Frankenwings with Side of Ranch

The Traditional Sub was an assemblage of mediocre-quality ingredients: Bland bread, bargain ham and salami, and one very sad tomato. The crinkle-cut fries were whatever. The startling thing about this sub is that somehow, it WORKED! It just goes to show that a half dozen crappy ingredients can sometimes equal one edible sandwich.

Traditional Sub:
Ham, salami, mozzarella, hot peppers, lettuce and tomato

Sysco ketchup:
Heavy on the corn syrup

Roman Coin Pizza isn't shy about their use of Sysco products. Plopping corn syrup ketchup right on the table moves against the trend of "local" and "organic," but I say, why even bother trying to hide it?
We'll barely even notice with our eyes glued to the waitress' ass game on TV.

Blue Planet Natural Grill

6307 Center Street, Suite 101 (next to Jimi D's)
Omaha, NE 68106
(402) 218-4555
Open daily 10:30am to 9pm
www.blueplanetnaturalgrill.com

Caribbean Jerk Pizza--
With vegan cheese, sans chicken

I'm an asshole. At heart, I'm a damn Yankee who doesn't like to meddle with superfluous friendly conversation with strangers. When the counter girl squealed to us that she just can't stop eating Sun Chips that day, I had to look the other way. And I conveniently forgot where I bought my shirt when she asked (I think it was from Target anyway). This girl had a few too many wheatgrass shots. Paltry complaints about the cheery counter staff aside, the food earned a solid "pretty good" in my book. My Honan Salmon sandwich was grilled well done, which isn't really what I fancy, but I can let that slide. The pizza isn't really pizza by any traditional definition, but a tasty assemblage of toppings and kinda spicy tomato sauce on sturdy wheat bread. It only took five minutes to come out, so we can assume they are made much like a college student might make a bagel pizza. Fine by me. There was some confusion, though, when my dining buddy requested vegan cheese only because she is allergic to regular cheese, and the pizza came without chicken. Interestingly, the bacon was still present... Bacontarian, anyone? Point is, this isn't gourmet shit. It's a good place to go after a workout, or sit with your laptop. A must try for anyone who made that "eat better" resolution this year, and a godsend for vegans in this carnivorous town --  not too shabby for celiacs either. They have a serious selection of organic ketchups, too, so next time you've got a hankering for fries this is your place.

Honan Salmon:
"Sweet chili glazed salmon filet, cucumber, cilantro, organic spring mix lettuce,
tomato, onion and carrot relish on whole wheat bun."
Add sweet potato fries for $.99, and dip them in a side of chipotle mayo. Do it. 

My soup, sandwich, iced tea, and tip jar offering ran me a full twenty. 'Twas worth it. The chocolate macaroon I grabbed on the way out provided an excellent unbalanced breakfast the next morning, still chewy and moist. Blue Planet, I will see you again. Just stop being so damn chipper.

Corn Chowder--
Lots of fresh scallions on top.
Average Keebler crackers with long ingredients list. Whoops.

Vivace

1108 Howard Street 

Omaha, NE 68102
(402) 342-2050
Open daily for lunch and dinner, weekdays 'til 11pm and Fridays and Saturdays 'til midnight, Sundays closed in between brunch and dinner
www.vivaceomaha.com

9" Pepperoni pizza with Banana Peppers and Buffalo Mozzarella

Chicken Piadini--
 Grilled flat bread wrap with figs, prosciutto, green onions, basil, arugula and Fontina cheese

Everyone's heard of Vivace in the Old Market--or Viv-ACE as we like to call it--but did you know they offer 9" Neapolitan-style pies for $11.95? Add a couple glasses of red and you've got the perfect snack for two, if you ask me. The banana peppers on the Pepperoni pizza reminded me of the Peperoni pies I'd get in Germany, and it was even most satisfying to my skeptical dining companion. ("I've had pizza in Naples, yo.") The chicken in the Chicken Piadini was a little over-roasted, but the fig/prosciutto flavor combo took over, and the whole thing was remarkably filling. I don't know of anywhere else around here doing the sweet potato/regular potato mix for the fries, but an aioli dipping sauce would have been good, not to mention fries that weren't served ice cold. Vivace's got some good ideas and some tried and true Italian flavors, and I think a little more attention paid to the details would make them even better. Not to mention the service is as disorganized as the driving in Italy. The wine came out five minutes after the food, we were presented the wrong check, and even candidly offered jobs by our eccentric server, for no particular reason.

Vivace's menu isn't exactly innovative, but it's fresh and high in value, and they're open pretty late. You should also stop in if you're looking for a job, apparently!

Phat in Philadelphia (and NYC)

I didn't do Steven Starr, or Bobby Flay, or Le Bec Fin, or hardly anything traditionally defined as "good food." I did, however, visit my teenage haunts and other old faves, and nearly OD'd on pizza. And the beer. My God, the beer. I danced, I explored, I ate, and I drank. I didn't snap a photo of every single thing 'cause there just wasn't time to stop.

Golden Castle Diner, North Wilmington, DE
Can't deny that late-night cravin' for something so greasy it slips out of your hands. And some chocolate pie from the pie case, cuz, why not? I mean, food always winds up yellow and brown anyway, right?

Monochromatic Meal #1: Classic Grilled Cheese

Yes, we got a side of fries, too.

Chocolate Cream Pie

Pinocchio's Pizza and Beer Garden To Go, Media, PA
I started eating here when I was about eight years old, with my family. Then, my high school cafeteria had their pizza, and I distinctly remember eating it on a daily basis the entire tenth grade year. All You Can Eat pizza and soda nights kept us suburban punk ass kids out of trouble. But, it seems Pinocchio's got a taste for beer a little later than I did, opening the "beer garden" addition just a couple of years ago. Skyrocketing to success, they just clinched the sought-after title for Best Beer Shop in all of Phillyland, according to Philadelphia Magazine's most recent issue, which is kind of a huge deal. An absolute must visit if you're anywhere near it. P.S. For all you "Philly" sandwich eaters out there in Omaha, this is what it's supposed to look like. (I'm partial to chicken, as opposed to the classic beef cheesesteak, a leftover from my years as a strict non-cow eater.)

Chicken Cheesesteak:
A hot mess of thinly chopped chicken, fried onions and hot peppers, with provolone, on a top-of-the-line toasted hoagie roll. Sa-weet!

Monochromatic Meal #2: Fried Sampler Platter--
There's rings, bites, nugs, sticks, blah blah blah.

De Proef/ Sly Fox Broederlijke Liefde ON TAP!
I also had a Brotherly Suds, which is the collaborative effort of five different Philly microbreweries.

He told me he'd knock it down to $300, but I still couldn't swing it.

Beers, and beer reflections. And some chick.

The lucky ones to come home with us.

And, speaking of 'zza, here's a shot of one of my daily slices from any NYC pizzeria. Note the triangle shape:

Square pizza is just plain wronG.

Coffee Shop, Union Square, NYC
In the ranks of overpriced Manhattan diners and other eateries, this place is kinda low on the list. It did, however, solve the problem of where to suck down a Mimosa. (Of the mango variety, which was actually more like a Bellini, not pictured here cause there was a hole in my glass. Hehe.)

Grilled Shrimp Chopped Salad with Romaine, Roasted Corn and Black Beans

Wild Mushroom Omelette

Guess.

Dos Toros, Union Square, NYC
After a long day wandering up and down Fifth Ave for no particular reason, a pit stop was in order, this time to a Qdoba-like hole-in-the-wall bursting with NYU kids, who were clearly majoring in Personal Space Invasion. The girl behind me in line totally just took a course on Breathing Down a Stranger's Neck. Ah, anyway. My taco was huge and the extra hot salsa was obscenely spicy, but it did the trick.

Carnitas Taco--
With a downright rude hot salsa

Whole Foods Beer Room, Bowery, NYC
No trip to this area would be complete without a stop at the Whole Foods Bowery location. They've got a beer room where you can get growlers of beers you've never heard of. And everything you need for home brewing, if you're into that sort of thing, which it seems every dude and his mom is these days. Yes folks, this supermarket location truly has everything your average white person likes.

Beer Stuff 

More Beer Stuff

Loreley, Williamsburg, Brooklyn
There was a time when I felt if I never had a German beer again it would be too soon. I am now partially recovered from my couple of years stuck in the world of piss pilsners, and so it seemed appropriate to go to the newer Brooklyn version of one of my old LES hangouts. Currywurst, THEE Berlin street food, was never my personal favorite, but I felt obliged to try it. This version was a tad smushy, and the fries were soooo McDonald's, but they nailed the curry ketchup part. On a long wooden table under a wide umbrella, I nibbled and sipped leisurely and didn't even notice the sun had gone down.

Ein Kölsch und ein Grüner Veltliner--
Und die schöne Fingernägel meiner Cousine!

Currywurst:
There's actually a museum for this in Berlin.

John's Village Market, Brookhaven, PA
The place to go for a quality sandwich, especially if you're a sweaty construction worker dude with one of them Philly accents.

Classic Italian Hoagie:
Pepper ham, capicola, Genoa salami, provolone

Chicken Pesto Panini, one half--
REALLY, REALLY GOOD

Wash it all down with some meat flavored chips.

Eulogy Belgian Tavern, Old City, Philadelphia
The bar stools are always full at this Old City classic, and I like to think of it as a good place to duck into to avoid the throngs of bros and hoes doing the mating call in this part of town every weekend night.

Twice Fried Belgian Frietjes--
With "Beneluxx" sauce, bourbon remoulade, and malt vinegar aioli.
A glob of mayo would have been fine too. 

Just a LaChouffe and a Kasteel Rouge on tap, no big deal here.  Two of my faves.

Piet-Agoras Belgian ale--
A nice, rare brew. A little fruity, caramel-y, sour-ish, with a hoppy finish. 

Beneluxx Tasting Room, Old City, Philadelphia
A block away from Eulogy, this basement bar with the same owners wasn't as bustling, but there were more interesting menu options. Next time I'm gonna do the fondue.

Chimay, meet Beemster. Tried and true delicious cheeses, with a nice bare-bones presentation.
Hey, at least the plate is rectangular. 

This here's a panini. That's all I really remember.

Sierra Nevada's Ovila Abbey Dubbel

There was also the dry white wine and olive tapenade and goat cheese crostini at Gemma in the Bowery Hotel, where I didn't see anyone too famous but was entertained by the surly waitstaff. And then the late-late-night falafel that I somehow got all over my shirt. Across the great divide known as the East River, I sipped on an absinthe cocktail, which didn't make me hallucinate, but did get me tipsy enough to happily slurp down my very first oyster, at Maison Premiere. Oh, and let's not forget the bowl of Cheerios on the first class flight home.

And now, to sleep. For a week. And maybe think about eating a vegetable of some sort.