Stella's Bar & Grill

106 Galvin Road South, Bellevue, NE
402.291.6088
Mon - Sat 11a.m. - 9p.m.
stellasbarandgrill.com

Double Hamburger ($6.50):
Thick, nicely seasoned beef patties, but drier than July in Omaha. Har har har.

I don't know why this place continues to be voted as having one of the best burgers in Omaha. I really don't get it. It's in Bellevue!

But really, people. While I did enjoy the irregular shape of the patty, which is supporting evidence for their claim that they hand-press them out of fresh beef, I did not enjoy the standard temperature of well done. I reckon since they serve them on napkins they have to grill most of the juice out, or else it'd be too messy. The bun did fall apart a little at the end -- I've heard this is a standard Stella's qualm -- but the toppings were fresh and delicious. Something tells me they've been at this for a while. Plus, how often do you eat more than a couple of onion rings at a time? Well, we nearly licked the wax paper clean of any buttery crumb residue. The fries left something to be desired, but fans of Bronco's fresh-cut grease carriers will like these.

I don't understand how, in this pre-apocalyptic world of deforestation and drought with grain prices out the wazoo, they're able to offer a 6.5 ounce burger for $4, but you better get 'em while you can!

My single Cheeseburger ($4.75) had Swiss, jalapeños and grilled onions,
as well as the standard lettuce, tomato, raw onion, pickle and mayo. 

From top left:
French fries ($2), ranch dressing, onion rings ($3)

They invented plates in 1937.

Fat in Europe

Demented Hot Dog Man

Now that last month's Eurotrip is over, I can still taste the sausage, and am kind of still feeling the hangover. I invite you to salivate over my photos, mostly of street food. It's important to remember, though, that there is no good Mexican food in these countries; jarred salsa tastes like rancid ketchup. So, 'Merka is still better... specifically South O.

Amsterdam and Rotterdam

Those right-wing Dutch folk are trying to push out all the zillions of high-as-a-kite tourists with their new laws. But for now, the sweet smell of weed still lingers on the street. (Actually, I think it's kind of gross. Sorry.) I don't need the help of THC to get the munchies, and luckily there's an automatiek around every corner to soften the razor sharp edge of a hunger pang, offering mostly traditional handheld Dutch snacks. It's the fastest fast food ever. 

Smullers near Amsterdam Centraal Station --
insert coins, extract chicken burger.

There's loads of excellent Indonesian restaurants in the Netherlands, but if you're on the go, try a bami --
a breaded and deep-fried rectangle of thick, spiced noodles.

Giant warm stroopwafel --
sticky, caramel-like sauce sandwiched between two waffle cookies.

Remember that thing called "Occupy?" Still going strong here.

Kapsalon, a Rotterdam specialty (name roughly translates to barber shop):
fries, döner meat, melted cheese, salad and mayo.
ARE YOU SERIOUS? 

Erasmus Bridge connecting the north and south of Rotterdam,
and the typical spring weather.

Brussels

Two words: beer geek. That is what I was for the whole 24 hours in Belgium. 

Just your average convenience store:
Trappist ales, cherry lambics, and the go-to Jupiler (what you get around here if you just order "a beer").

Train stations have the best food. This waffle is no exception.

View from the top floor of the Magritte Museum

If I had any €€€, I would have dined here and had myself some fine Waterzooi -- traditional Belgian stew. 

Frites and mayo go together like peas and carrots.
Like peanut butter and jelly.
Like a beer and a cig.

Münster (and Enschede)

No, not like the cheese. That cheese comes from a little town in France with the same name. Münster is the town in North Rhine-Westphalia, Germany that I called home at one point. Known for its rainy weather and throngs of bicycles, Münster isn't exactly full of culinary excitement. Or any kind of excitement, really. Which is why, on Good Friday when everything was closed, we went to the Dutch border town of Enschede, along with hordes of other Germans. 

View from my friend's window. Sure ain't no bustling metropolis, but I guess it's ok.

Don't let the modest helping fool you, for I had three plates of
homemade schnitzel, salad with fluffy yogurt dressing and pan-fried potatoes.
Thanks to the Gorkes.

Pretzel roll with prosciutto. Everyday bakery items are divine.

Pommes Spezial --
curry ketchup, mayo, onions.
Can possibly curb your hunger til the next sausage fest.

This is what you get when you order coffee in Dutch. 

The oliebol is a Dutch doughnut that weighs the same as a baseball.
Wear all black on a windy day for the total effect.

Cologne

My second favorite city in Deutschland, home of the biggest gay pride parade around and the most annoying/crazy Karneval street parties. On Easter morning I walked across town to the city's crowning glory, the Cologne Cathedral, where the rising sun was poking out from behind the church's gothic spires. Then I caught a train to Berlin. 

At Engelbät, the cozy creperie with endless possibilities.
Mine was filled with broccoli, almond slivers, tomato sauce, cheese, and pesto.
Wash down with a thimbleful of Reissdorf Kölsch.
And if you don't like Kölsch beer, don't say so too loudly around these parts. 

I once lived by the adage:
"A tomato-sauce-poppy-seed-stick a day will keep the doctor away."
Aka Knusperstange.

The Rhine river --
And a bridge with a bunch of "Love Locks" attached to it.
Who decided that a padlock was a good symbol of love? 

Berlin

The sacred döner sandwich:
All hail to the spinning meat in the window, especially after a night of slamming Beck's.

This is not another NYC, despite all the flawed reviews from tired hipsters that say so. Berlin is unique. Berlin is magical. Berlin might as well be its own country, an aberration compared to the straight-laced complacency of most of the Fatherland. Even the color of the subway trains -- a hideous yellow not even fit for a limited-edition crayon -- is like nowhere else, not to mention the little Brandenburg Gate etchings on all the windows. 

East Side Gallery, where Smart cars and Coca-Cola trucks pass colorful remnants of the Wall. 

Bratwurst at Alexanderplatz, and the iconic Fernsehturm (TV tower). 

Waffle with Nutella, sandy sitting area of a Sunday flea market.
Makes total sense.

Beef Brisket from White Trash Fast Food, and a fish tank--
it was marginally cool. 

Street food fav, the Noodle Box --
bean sprouts, crispy onions, sometimes chicken. 

They like to eat arugula on pizza. Weirdos.

They also like to eat spicy salami on pizza. 

Shrimp tacos from Santa Maria in Kreuzberg --
they also have a Taco Tuesday with €1 tacos.
I think this place was specifically designed for Americans needing their Mexican fix.

Berlin is a falafel mecca.

The typical meal at home: tortellini with pesto and mozzarella tomato sandwiches,
and a tasty Rothaus Pils.

And with that, I headed to Tegel airport, a tiny building where you can still say goodbye right at the gate like in the movies, for the last time. In a few months it will be no longer in operation, and the new Berlin Brandenburg airport will take over. Yes, there are so many expats in this city that they actually need a new airport to handle the influx. With fingers crossed (or thumbs pressed, as they say), I smuggled a bunch of pretzels through security, which I froze and ate later. Catch ya later, Berlin. Try not to get too cool. 

J. Coco

5203 Leavenworth Street
Omaha, NE 68106
402.884.2626
Open weekdays 11am-2pm, Mon thru Sat 5pm-close, closed Sundays
jcocoomaha.com

Wagyu beef burger, white cheddar, pretzel bun ($11)--
The most pleasurable jaw dislocation of your life

New restaurants are going to feel a little sterile. They need time, at least to acquire a few creepy old regulars. At lunch last week in this spankin' new establishment, no one knew quite what to expect, and from what I could tell, the servers didn't either. A few confusing moments regarding a bread refill and my entree order can be excused for now, though. Sure, the food took an exorbitant amount of time, but I'd be surprised if they didn't get that worked out within a few weeks.

The menu is "American," but more like what would happen if there was a cook-off on 19th century Ellis Island, since it pulls from several distinct cuisines but doesn't really attempt to fuse much. The closest thing to fusion would be the Korean Style Short Rib Tacos -- a dish that's oh-so-popular on the streets of L.A. The pulled meat was plentiful and tender, but the kimchee was far less pungent than some. In fact, a dip into the bold sweet chile sauce totally masked the subtle fermented cabbage flavor. Dip at your own risk.

Korean Style Short Rib Tacos ($11)--
Big trends, little tasty tacos

It just wouldn't be a restaurant in the 2010s without a burger on the menu, now would it? As much as I love the idea of a fried egg on my burg, I urge you to minimize the add ons, so as to experience the full flavor and texture of the exquisite Wagyu beef patty. I love trendy stuff as much as the next guy, but fans of authentic "pommes frites" will be disappointed by the herb-sprinked shoestring fries. Though they are tastier than the stragglers at the bottom of the McDonald's bag, they are nothing like the thick-cut and crispy potato dish indigenous to Western Europe.

Burger pre-assembly, and the "pommes frites"

Greek Style salad ($9)--
Missing the advertised heirloom tomatoes and meyer lemon.
Bitter arugula and creamy vinaigrette still a fantastic combo.

The interior, with its modern contemporary and quasi-edgy feel, might be better suited for western West Omaha, and thus it will be a challenge to feel very hip sipping on one of their ultra-hip craft cocktails at the bar. But like many others, I live within walking distance, and I look forward to more meals here. Once they get a little more comfortable in their space, we should expect more daring and creative dishes from Jennifer Coco and friends.

Twisted Fork

1014 Howard Street
Omaha, NE 68102
402.932.9600
Mon thru Thurs 11am-10pm, Fri and Sat 11am-11pm, Sun 11am-9pm
Happy Hour every day from 3-6 and 9-close
restaurantsinc.net/twistedfork/

Appetizer Sampler:
That's chicken fried bacon in the foreground,
waffle fries, fried pickles and hot wangs.

The glitzy chandeliers, turquoise vases with oversized feathers, and plush red wall tapestry -- combined with the rather bright spotlight lighting motif -- reminded me a lot of Urban Outfitters Home section. The decor is definitely fancier than the food, which follows more of a stripped down "Texas cowboy" theme. I was disappointed to see they must have taken their venison Frito Pie off the menu, but forgot all about it when the Appetizer Sampler platter came. Our server did a run through of the sauces; good thing I already had my pen out to take notes, since they were all white and creamy. I quickly decided that no one should eat Chicken Fried Bacon, ever. It looked like deep fried jerky and tasted like a salty clogged artery. Still, I appreciated the novelty of something so shamelessly unhealthy, and the white gravy dip sure was zesty. The wings, fried pickles, and waffle fries were all of good quality. The BBQ Beef Sliders had smoky meat, sweet sauce and toasted buns. Mmmmmm, toasted buns... no complaints there. The only thing was, as the only customers of the hour, we caught a strong "we don't really want you to be here" vibe from the employees. In their defense I bet they were just preoccupied getting ready for the dinner rush.

I didn't get to try any of the entrees, but I'd only go back here if I felt like getting all fat about it. Though they have salads on the menu, it's not the kind of place where you order one. You know the saying: "Everyone's fatter in Texas."

BBQ Beef Sliders--
Blurry photo due to the cocktail pictured below.

Mango Mai Tai--
It's true, I ordered a girly drink, and I liked it.

King Kong

4409 Dodge Street
Omaha, NE 68131
(402) 553-3326
Plus other locations in Omaha and Lincoln, open late
www.kingkongfastfood.com

While cruising around looking for a munch at 10pm and trying to avoid places with a dollar menu, I stopped at KK hoping to see a fight or robbery or some other disturbance. But no. The cops were just pigging out.

I went in already knowing my order from checking the menu online. My Chicken Philly with onions almost became a regular Philly with peppers until I caught the slab of beef being thrown on the grill. At that point I felt compelled to confirm my entire order with the glassy-eyed lad behind the counter. He cockily assured me. What I found when I uncovered the styrofoam at home I can only attribute to a straight up language barrier. My "small Greek salad" somehow became a "kids Gyro with fries," and my requested side of mayo was absent. The Chicken Philly was excessively salty to the point where the cheese was completely drowned out, but I have to hand it to them, the way they chop it up is the closest thing to what you'd find in the City of Brotherly Shove. The fries seem like they're dredged in flour; they're tasty, but hefty and over-processed. At $15 for the above meal, this place will keep me out of late night local businesses and in the drive thru lane, unfortunately.

Sorry, no pics. My hand was too shaky with anger over my messed up order to hold a camera. If you've had a better experience there, tell us about it!

Phat in Philadelphia (and NYC)

I didn't do Steven Starr, or Bobby Flay, or Le Bec Fin, or hardly anything traditionally defined as "good food." I did, however, visit my teenage haunts and other old faves, and nearly OD'd on pizza. And the beer. My God, the beer. I danced, I explored, I ate, and I drank. I didn't snap a photo of every single thing 'cause there just wasn't time to stop.

Golden Castle Diner, North Wilmington, DE
Can't deny that late-night cravin' for something so greasy it slips out of your hands. And some chocolate pie from the pie case, cuz, why not? I mean, food always winds up yellow and brown anyway, right?

Monochromatic Meal #1: Classic Grilled Cheese

Yes, we got a side of fries, too.

Chocolate Cream Pie

Pinocchio's Pizza and Beer Garden To Go, Media, PA
I started eating here when I was about eight years old, with my family. Then, my high school cafeteria had their pizza, and I distinctly remember eating it on a daily basis the entire tenth grade year. All You Can Eat pizza and soda nights kept us suburban punk ass kids out of trouble. But, it seems Pinocchio's got a taste for beer a little later than I did, opening the "beer garden" addition just a couple of years ago. Skyrocketing to success, they just clinched the sought-after title for Best Beer Shop in all of Phillyland, according to Philadelphia Magazine's most recent issue, which is kind of a huge deal. An absolute must visit if you're anywhere near it. P.S. For all you "Philly" sandwich eaters out there in Omaha, this is what it's supposed to look like. (I'm partial to chicken, as opposed to the classic beef cheesesteak, a leftover from my years as a strict non-cow eater.)

Chicken Cheesesteak:
A hot mess of thinly chopped chicken, fried onions and hot peppers, with provolone, on a top-of-the-line toasted hoagie roll. Sa-weet!

Monochromatic Meal #2: Fried Sampler Platter--
There's rings, bites, nugs, sticks, blah blah blah.

De Proef/ Sly Fox Broederlijke Liefde ON TAP!
I also had a Brotherly Suds, which is the collaborative effort of five different Philly microbreweries.

He told me he'd knock it down to $300, but I still couldn't swing it.

Beers, and beer reflections. And some chick.

The lucky ones to come home with us.

And, speaking of 'zza, here's a shot of one of my daily slices from any NYC pizzeria. Note the triangle shape:

Square pizza is just plain wronG.

Coffee Shop, Union Square, NYC
In the ranks of overpriced Manhattan diners and other eateries, this place is kinda low on the list. It did, however, solve the problem of where to suck down a Mimosa. (Of the mango variety, which was actually more like a Bellini, not pictured here cause there was a hole in my glass. Hehe.)

Grilled Shrimp Chopped Salad with Romaine, Roasted Corn and Black Beans

Wild Mushroom Omelette

Guess.

Dos Toros, Union Square, NYC
After a long day wandering up and down Fifth Ave for no particular reason, a pit stop was in order, this time to a Qdoba-like hole-in-the-wall bursting with NYU kids, who were clearly majoring in Personal Space Invasion. The girl behind me in line totally just took a course on Breathing Down a Stranger's Neck. Ah, anyway. My taco was huge and the extra hot salsa was obscenely spicy, but it did the trick.

Carnitas Taco--
With a downright rude hot salsa

Whole Foods Beer Room, Bowery, NYC
No trip to this area would be complete without a stop at the Whole Foods Bowery location. They've got a beer room where you can get growlers of beers you've never heard of. And everything you need for home brewing, if you're into that sort of thing, which it seems every dude and his mom is these days. Yes folks, this supermarket location truly has everything your average white person likes.

Beer Stuff 

More Beer Stuff

Loreley, Williamsburg, Brooklyn
There was a time when I felt if I never had a German beer again it would be too soon. I am now partially recovered from my couple of years stuck in the world of piss pilsners, and so it seemed appropriate to go to the newer Brooklyn version of one of my old LES hangouts. Currywurst, THEE Berlin street food, was never my personal favorite, but I felt obliged to try it. This version was a tad smushy, and the fries were soooo McDonald's, but they nailed the curry ketchup part. On a long wooden table under a wide umbrella, I nibbled and sipped leisurely and didn't even notice the sun had gone down.

Ein Kölsch und ein Grüner Veltliner--
Und die schöne Fingernägel meiner Cousine!

Currywurst:
There's actually a museum for this in Berlin.

John's Village Market, Brookhaven, PA
The place to go for a quality sandwich, especially if you're a sweaty construction worker dude with one of them Philly accents.

Classic Italian Hoagie:
Pepper ham, capicola, Genoa salami, provolone

Chicken Pesto Panini, one half--
REALLY, REALLY GOOD

Wash it all down with some meat flavored chips.

Eulogy Belgian Tavern, Old City, Philadelphia
The bar stools are always full at this Old City classic, and I like to think of it as a good place to duck into to avoid the throngs of bros and hoes doing the mating call in this part of town every weekend night.

Twice Fried Belgian Frietjes--
With "Beneluxx" sauce, bourbon remoulade, and malt vinegar aioli.
A glob of mayo would have been fine too. 

Just a LaChouffe and a Kasteel Rouge on tap, no big deal here.  Two of my faves.

Piet-Agoras Belgian ale--
A nice, rare brew. A little fruity, caramel-y, sour-ish, with a hoppy finish. 

Beneluxx Tasting Room, Old City, Philadelphia
A block away from Eulogy, this basement bar with the same owners wasn't as bustling, but there were more interesting menu options. Next time I'm gonna do the fondue.

Chimay, meet Beemster. Tried and true delicious cheeses, with a nice bare-bones presentation.
Hey, at least the plate is rectangular. 

This here's a panini. That's all I really remember.

Sierra Nevada's Ovila Abbey Dubbel

There was also the dry white wine and olive tapenade and goat cheese crostini at Gemma in the Bowery Hotel, where I didn't see anyone too famous but was entertained by the surly waitstaff. And then the late-late-night falafel that I somehow got all over my shirt. Across the great divide known as the East River, I sipped on an absinthe cocktail, which didn't make me hallucinate, but did get me tipsy enough to happily slurp down my very first oyster, at Maison Premiere. Oh, and let's not forget the bowl of Cheerios on the first class flight home.

And now, to sleep. For a week. And maybe think about eating a vegetable of some sort.