Rivera's Mexican Restaurant

12047 Blondo Street
402-932-1381

Open Tues–Sat for lunch & dinner but closed 2–5 p.m., also closed Sun and Mon
riverasmf.com/

I approach any visit to northwest Omaha much like an alien coming across Earth for the first time. "There's a whole ecosystem out here, a whole other world! It's astounding!" I'm known to mutter to my passenger. Then, once I've loaded up whatever Craigslist find sold to me by some bloke living in a windowless structure with newer beige siding, I think, "I should eat since I'm not out here too often."

Thus, Rivera's has become a favorite stop on this edge of town.

After a handful of visits, I wouldn't use the word "classy" to describe the staff. But while each server's diner-meets-dive bar demeanor can only be her own, it's not the group's fault the ownership outfits them in T-shirts emblazoned with the embarrassing phrase: So Authentic, It Should Be Illegal.

Feeling like a washed-up shadow of my former outraged young self, I sit and eat. I watch people clothed in these obnoxious tees march to and fro, holding hot plates piled high, craning my neck to get a look as my dining buddy and I remark to each other, "that one looks good." I want to boycott the place, but can't seem to care enough. Apathy has taken over in the PC-minefield of 2016, not to mention there's rich, cheesy food to be had.

Enchiladas Suizas

Nachos

The nachos are enough for two full meals, chips pleasantly on the thin side with the cheese, meat, and beans assembled in a scarcely seen harmonious balance. With a plate of enchiladas Suizas in front of me, a traditional dish named for the copious amounts of cream and cheese seen in Swiss-style cuisine, I shudder to think of the number of middle-aged humans who have made the quip, "This is low-calorie, right?!" before letting out a hearty guffaw at their own joke.

The bartender once cautioned us strongly against anything with the double red pepper emblem on the menu—I guess we looked like a couple o' pussies. That's fine. Though the beans and rice on every plate appear to be an afterthought as tasteless as the waitstaff's apparel, the selection of enchiladas dishes make this my go-to spot every time I suit up in my spacesuit and head out to northwest Omaha.

Enchiladas Potosinas

Chips n salza

Suizas again

Enchiladas Rancheras

Happy Hour at the Michael's Cantina at the Market

1102 Harney Street
402.346.1205
Open Sun - Thurs 11a.m. - 11p.m., Fri and Sat 'til midnight
More importantly, happy hour weekdays 3 - 6p.m. (half off margaritas and appetizers)
michaelscantina.com/market.html

A close inspection of the sign will reveal the word "fine."

There's bad Mexican food, and then there's bad food. I hereby set aside all labels, specifications and standards. I'm throwing out my obsession with authenticity and qualms about the spice level in order to tell you, my dearest fellow diner, that the food here is not worth ingesting. The solitary exception is the South of the Border appetizer sampler, which features four of the usual suspect dips, executed with exquisite averageness, and never ending basketfuls of both corn and recently-fried flour tortilla chips. The point is merely -- and yet also imperatively -- to give you something to do with your mouth in between sips of the deliciously boozy beverages.

From the hours of 3 to 6p.m. on any given weekday, Michael's is the most magical place to get tipsy with friends and coworkers alike. You'll likely have the place to yourselves, which is an added bonus. Jump start your hangover with one of our nation's favorite drinks, the high fructose bomb that packs a powerful punch: the Margarita.

Rocks with salt (Reg $5):
For those of us who haven't yet outgrown the concept of "these will get you wasted."

South of the Border Combination Platter (Reg $9.99):
Colorful, and oh so edible

This concoction is known as the Tamale Float,
and it, along with the hot wings, jalapeño poppers, and taco al pastor,
has about as much culinary appeal as a satchel of silica gel. 

Trini's

1020 Howard Street
402.346.8400
Open Tues - Sat, lunch from 11:30am and dinner from 4pm
$1.99 Margs on Tues and Thurs, Happy Hour 4-6 Fri and Sat
trinisoldmarket.com

Enchilada de Jocoque (single lunch serving, $6.50):
Chicken in a sour cream sauce with monterey jack cheese,
and a side of "refritos" and rice.

Whether or not you choose to like Trini's shouldn't depend on its mainstream location, or the claim by fans that it's "pretty authentic." I would bus to the end of the Earth (West O) for Trini's, if I happened to be in the mood for supremely honk-ified Mexican-ish cuisine. There's nothing unique about this place, except maybe for the fact that it shares a wall with one of the most expensive restaurants in town. Despite this -- can I just sound like an upper middle class homemaker for a moment? -- the bathrooms, located a hallway and some stairs outside of the restaurant, were atrocious. On the other hand, if you're wandering around the Old Market and want to do something illegal, this is the bathroom for you.

One blackened tilapia fish taco in a deep-fried "puffy" taco shell ($6.95):
In case you're wondering, yes, I felt puffy afterwards.

The Spread

There was something nostalgic about the food in that this is the Mexican I ate as a child. I couldn't quite tell if the chips were made in-house, or whether the mild cilantro salsa was doctored up from out of a jar, but who cares. On the fish taco, the "house chipotle sauce" seeped into the "puffy" taco shell nicely, but didn't offer much of a chipotle flavor. Luckily, the "specially prepared greens" kept things light (kidding). I was impressed by the simple black beans and white rice, which they managed to turn into a rich, buttery treat. Ditto for the Enchilada de Jocoque and the accompanying refried beans. I imagined Julia Child's ghost in the kitchen, whispering, "If you're afraid of butter, use creeeeeeeeeam."

Trini's is great for indulging on standard Midwestmex, especially if you're looking for a nice, secluded restroom where TP isn't necessary.

Soft shell beef taco ($3.35):
Get your Taco Bell without all the late night drive thru hullabaloo.
(I'm looking at you, 38th and Dodge.)

Abelardo's Authentic Mexican Food

3121 Q Street
Omaha, NE 68107
402.733.0346
24/7
Plus two other locations in Omaha
www.abelardosmexicanfood.com

Combo # I Forget:
One cheese enchilada, one crunchy beef taco, beans and rice

Abelardo's is the picture next to "drunk food" in the dictionary. The problem is, I'm never partying near South O, or any of their other locations. Maybe we need to start designating a sober-ish taco driver to make the run. My snobby Arizonan dining buddy says these types of 24-hour Mexican drive thrus are prevalent in the Southwest, and it's often unsaid that you will wind up there after a night out. However, when you eat this food during the day you must exercise caution (and self-restraint) so that you don't wind up with a massive tummy ache. This is gut busting stuff, designed to sop up booze of all colors and potencies.

It's also the ultimate disconnection from your food. Not only do you have no clue where the meat comes from, but they hand you the whole package through a window so high that unless you're driving a bus you can't see inside. You then take the neatly wrapped layers of styrofoam and plastic home, where it's time to indulge in double corn tortillas with guacamole, and the occasional extra chewy piece of carnitas. With the combo plate, I like to run a forkful of beans over everything else and see what sticks to it.

Folks, there's much better Mexican food in Omaha. But at 3am? Nope. This is it.

(Someday I'll share with you my thoughts on the undeservingly popular La Esmeralda...)

Carnitas Taco

Homestead Cafe y Algo Mas

4826 Q Street
Omaha, NE 68117
(402) 738-9989
Open 7 days, 7am to 9pm
www.lacasadelhuarache.com

Los volcanes!

Brush up on your high school Spanish, kids. It's in that ole brain somewhere. The online menu for the Homestead Cafe--or La Casa del Huarache, as it's also known--is only en español. Not to fear if you took French instead and don't know what huevos means. Our server provided us with an English menu, and was perfectly accommodating.

The warm orange walls were adorned with portraits of prominent Latino citizens, but the Mexican tunes you might expect to hear were nixed in favor of some good old classic rock radio. As George Harrison crooned on, I began to worry about the chips. Where were they? Don't we get them? They have chips, right? And salsa? Should I ask her? Will they ever come???!! They didn't come, in fact, as the Homestead Cafe apparently does not offer complimentary chips. Whether that is a deal breaker, I will let you decide for yourself.

I had to try a huarache, which is like a sope or gordita. It's made with fried masa (corn dough), but oblong in shape, resembling a sandal. Mine was filled with seasoned, orange pork, juicy pineapple slices, and plenty of cotija cheese. There was a thin layer of black beans spread inside, which reminded me of the Salvadoran pupusa, but the dough was firmer and chewier. On the side came a boldly sweet and smoky chipotle salsa, along with a fearlessly spicy salsa verde. Overall, for a dish named after footwear, the huarache was a distinctive and delicious combination of flavors and textures.

Los volcanes was an "eruption" of cactus in a crunchy tortilla bowl. You might ask yourself whether it's safe to ingest an eruption of cactus. It's actually just a lot like a marinated green chile, but more pungent, and with a tinge of vinegar. Paired with a healthy dose of carne asada, there was some familiarity in this interesting dish. I say go for it.

It's obvious this place is going for something a little nicer than your hole-in-the-wall taqueria. The two of us dined for just under $30, which is a LOT more than we're used to for this kind of food. (Did I mention they don't give you chips?) Those who are intimidated by the spectacle of South 24th might feel more comfortable at the Homestead Cafe, since it appears cleaner and more professional, and smells better than some of those places, for sure.

Huarache al pastor--
A selection of other meats available, as well as a cheese and bean version.

Beans and Rice:
"Nothing to write home about," but sure to please all palates.

La Mesa Mexican Restaurant

84th Street and Tara Plaza
Papillion, NE 68046
(402) 593-0983
Plus four other locations in the Omaha metro area, and a few in KS and MO
Sun thru Thurs 11am to 10pm, Fri and Sat 11am to 10:30pm
www.la-mesa.com

Combination #1:
One Beef Enchilada, One "Chili con Queso" Tostada,
One Crunchy Beef Taco and One Crunchy Chicken Taco

Beware, beware. Halloween was weeks ago, but the scariest thing to happen to me all year was yesterday at lunch. I had prepared for an average honky Mexican experience, with mounds of melted cheese, mild salsa, and high fructose Margaritas. It was true the salsa was mild, but the chips were light, airy and crunchy. My large Marg--with its fake sugar bite--may have brought me a step closer to diabetes, but I can't deny that I enjoyed the thick, velvety sucrose quality, and the subsequent slight buzz. The booths and tables could have been designed by Frida Kahlo and Diego Rivera on a very, very bad acid trip. But the real fright came when the Combo #1 was brought to our mesa. The tostada was advertised as "chili con queso," and so I anticipated a glop of Hormel-esque chili with cheddar. The Taco Bellian side of me thought it might actually be good. What I got was a flat corn tortilla directly out of a package, spread with ground beef that didn't have a hint of salt or pepper, let alone cayenne, cumin, or anything else tasty. There was some major skimp-age on the cheese, too, which I thought was supposed to be the cornerstone of honky-Mex. The tacos were soggy and utterly bland. The enchilada was spongy, and the sauce reminded me of ketchup. A far cry from the steaming casserole dish of baked enchiladas I like to imagine.

The prompt service ultimately couldn't make up for the poor quality food. On their website, the restaurant claims: "La Mesa's 'authentic' taste is created from family recipes made with only the freshest quality ingredients." I adamantly believe this to be a flat out fabrication, as I am fairly sure Mexicans do not eat unseasoned ground beef wrapped in a Mission tortilla covered in canned enchilada sauce. I suspect, based on the product I sampled, that the kitchen is actually nothing but a sea of steam table pans full of cheap ingredients off a Sysco truck. For this reason, La Mesa gets two fat thumbs down.

Chips and Salsa:
Not spicy, but still decent

House Margarita with el Jimador Tequila

(Try Agave at 5013 Underwood Avenue in Dundee, if ultra-Americanized Mexican is what you crave. For there is something to be said about that special feeling you get when the sizzling, smoking fajita plate is brought to your table. If you want to OD on chips and queso dip, Agave might well be your den.)

La Casita

1328 Park Avenue (just south of Poppleton Ave.)
Omaha, NE 68105
(402) 934-7575
Closed Mondays

To celebrate National Taco Day today, I'm sharing with you my favorite place to eat them in all of Omahaland. Perhaps one of the best kept secrets in the city, La Casita is a friendly little house that serves quality, authentic Mexicuisine. You can go just for the food, or you can relax and sip a Michelada or margarita. The jukebox tunes can get a little rambunctious, and beware of Sundays, when the place is bursting with fiesta. When you walk in, your nostrils will perk at the smell of refried beans, which will then cause your tongue to salivate. If this doesn't happen, there's something wrong with you. Try a taco al pastor in a soft flour tortilla. And maybe a carne asada quesadilla, which is a neatly stuffed brick of meat and cheese that is perfect to share with your pals. Vegetarians will only really have cocktails and chips to savor, but that's kind of hardcore, eh? Maybe a side of rice? No matter what, you will leave stuffed and happy with only a couple bucks missing from your wallet. See you there.

Michelada

Taco al Pastor and Carne Asada Burrito

Sope

Gordita and Taco with Flour Tortilla

Shang Hai Garden

3118 South 24th Street (in the shopping center just north of Vinton)
(402) 342-2244

A Chipotle, a Tomatillo, and a Tomato Salsa,
Paired with Corn Chip Strips

Shrimp Egg Rolls--
More like big spring rolls, with sweet and sour sauce

I dipped my egg roll into the spicy tomatillo salsa. Just because I could.

This isn't fusion, this is a fight: Chinese vs. Mexican, happening now, in a South O strip mall next to No Frills. Tablecloths with Chinese characters. Wall posters exclusively in Spanish. Kikkoman, Sriracha, AND Tapatio on the tables. To be clear, if I wanted either one of these cuisines on its own, I wouldn't come here, but there's something about the wacky combo you should experience at least once. Sure, the tables were sticky, and I preferred not to think about the grime that must be living in the kitchen. Just sweep the dirt under the carpet in your mind and you'll be fine. The highlights were the salsa trio, house-made and hotter than Helen's house, and the shrimp egg roll, which was ready to take any unlikely dip you could throw at it. The meat in the tacos had a hint of Chinese spice, like what would happen if you stored your al Pastor with your Kung Pao in the same tupperware for a few days, and the tortillas were no bueno. Our entree, Snow Pea Chicken, was so-so, but a few heaping spoonfuls of delicious chili sauce made things more interesting.

I can't vouch for Shang Hai in terms of culinary mastery, but it is a novel idea carried out by folks who aren't aware of their "concept;" they're just eatin' what they like to eat.

Pork Tacos

Snow Pea Chicken

Chili Sauce

Fat in Arizona

Mr. G, Father of the Bean and Cheese Burrito, Yuma, Arizona

Omaha's Eppely Airfield isn't your state-of-the-art facility. No Wolfgang Puck Express, or even Chili's Too. Since you probably strategically show up thirty minutes before your flight in order to cruise through security and into your seat, there's no need for fancy schmance. This time, though, we made time for a little A&W chili cheese fries.

Soggy, salty, and smelly: Because sometimes peanut packets just aren't enough.

...

Post-flight, a liquid dinner was enjoyed at the Yucca Tap Room, with a slice of pepperoni 'zza for dessert. For fourth meal, we hit up Rivas Mexican Food for burritos. Fatty didn't want to hold up the fun with incessant food documentation, but just know that:

• Yucca is thee night spot in Tempe, with an admirable microbrew menu, tolerable live music, and good to great bar food. My favorite was Tempe's own Hop Knot IPA from Four Peaks Brewery.
• A California burrito has carne asada and papas fritas and is the best thing you can possibly eat at 2:15am. 
• Machaca is a mess of braised beef and in many cases, fried egg. The best choice for raising your cholesterol, a demon to the angel of oatmeal.

...

The Tohono O'odham set up their jewelry for sale. 

Indian fry bread is mostly a carnival or fair specialty, when those of Native American descent break out their deep fryers and stick their fluffy bread in it, then serve them as savory tacos or sweet desserts. Thank the heart disease heavens this isn't an everyday food, because such a concoction will make your left arm tingle. There are just a few places in Phoenix to chow down on it year round, and we happily ignored the lunch crown with a collective Body Mass Index of a million as we savored this special treat. It's best to stick to the "Indian Taco" fry bread, which is dressed up with a simple smear of half-mashed pinto beans and a handful of shredded lettuce and cheese. Cover in the thin-but-spicy hot sauce and swallow. Chase with a tropical iced tea. 

Indian Taco:
Homemade mashed refried pinto beans, shredded cheese and lettuce

Vegetarian Taco:
Refried beans, layered with sauteed spicy green chile strips, onions, sour cream and cheese

...

Like a couple of cowboys, we took the best the Indians had to offer and moseyed down to Yuma, the sunniest city on earth, nestled on the border of California and Mexico. Corn doesn't grow too well in this region known as Sonora. (Gasp! Hold on to your husks!) So, the Sonorans have historically stuck to wheat, which led to the birth of the flour tortilla. Here, Taco Bell and Mission tortillas are replaced by ones that are thinly stretched to the point of near-translucency, made with the pure recipe of flour, water, and lard. Only. Not a thing more. Does it surprise you that Yumans are touchy about their tortillas? To a Yuman, Mr. G and his restaurant Chile Pepper are the tastes of childhood, of purity, of love.

Bean and Cheese Burrito--
Encased in an authentic flour tortilla.
The unexpected weight and the oozing brown always reminded me of a dirty diaper,
but do not hesitate, for this is the best burrito in the land. 

Rolled Tacos:
Shredded beef in a fried corn tortilla. You might know them as Taquitos.
I know them as breakfast.  

...

It's barely noon on a Saturday and Lute's Casino is already loud, boisterous chatter bouncing off the walls decorated with Impressionist knock-offs and Marilyn Monroe portraits, with a lot of T.G.I. Friday's flair junk hanging from the warehouse-height ceilings. A friendly but tough staff keeps things rolling in the sea of round tables, all day and night. A kind of modern Western bar where you'd be more likely to have a drink-off than a duel, Lute's is a must visit in southwest Arizona. And once you're here, you must get the Especial.

The World-Famous Especial:
One (1) butterflied well-grilled hot dog atop one (1) cheeseburger deluxe
equals one (1) gluttonous treat.

Somewhere under the cheese, lettuce and hot sauce, you will find crunchy potato tacos.
Because when it's 110 in the shade you need some extra fuel to burn. 

...

Stuffed beyond words, beer and burrito bellies protruding with guilt and glee, we arrived at the last stop, a friend's cookout near Phoenix. I spread some nacho cheese on a warm tortilla, dumped on a lump of beans and salsa, and wrapped it around a charred hot dog. What I took as inventive turned out to be known as a Taco Dog. Yes, they do things differently down there in the desert, where the landscape might as well be the moon to me, and with 115 degrees, you're screwed if the power goes out (which, as you may have heard, it did). In the midst of all the 9/11 sad and sentimental anniversary hoopla, I got even hungrier to taste the fattest crap the rest of our great country has to offer.  

Tacos el Peligro

5133 S. 25th St. (Just north of 25th and Q)

Omaha, NE 68107

Open 'til 10 most nights, and I hear 'til 4am on weekends (!)

Homemade Chips with Salsa Fresca, and Chipotle and Green Avocado Salsas with Fresh Limes and Radishes

After the "trying out a new Mexican place" disaster a few weeks ago, we hoped Danger Tacos wouldn't be as dangerous of a choice. We knew as soon as the chips were promptly and politely placed in front of us that we were in the right place. The green avocado salsa is absolutely amazing, with a nice spice that keeps your mouth slightly burning throughout the whole meal. No canned stuff here. Notice the pineapple on the al pastor taco; isn't that how it's supposed to be? Where lots of other places skimp, Tacos Peligro comes through. My chicken sope had tons of juicy tomatoes, even with the price of this fruit at an all-time high. I can't really say enough about how pleased I was with the whole experience, and it's worth noting that I did not feel like a fat pig afterwards. So brush up on your Spanish--the staff will appreciate it--and head on in. 

BTW, here's a handy South O restaurant map.

Taco al Pastor

Dos Tacos Carne Asada

Sope con Pollo